“Yes, Mistress!” The Mistress-Slave Relationship, Explained
The majority of us have grown up in a world with imposed rules and regulations. And by following said-rules, we’re being respectful towards authoritative figures, institutions, and each other.
The term ‘Mistress’ in the BDSM community is oddly similar… but in the intimate relationship that exists between a dominant and a submissive or a Master/Mistress and slave.
Note: in the BDSM community, the ‘M’ in ‘Mistress’ is often capitalized, whereas the ‘s’ in ‘sub’ or ‘slave’ is not. This is a form of respect towards the Mistress.
What is a Mistress in the BDSM Community?
A Mistress in the realm of BDSM refers to a female dominant (the male version is called a ‘Master’). In this kind of relationship, a consenting male or female submit to being under full control of a Mistress. But what exactly does “full control” mean?
Being under full control means that it’s a lifestyle choice, something that is followed 24/7. It’s when a Mistress controls all aspects of their submissive or slave’s life. There may be exceptions however, such as when a sub or slave is at work, but the majority of the time, a Mistress requires her sub or slave to perform any or all tasks requested.
Tasks could be sexual in nature and/or domestic like having their sub or slave undergo mundane everyday chores. These conditions are discussed between the Mistress and her sub/slave beforehand to ensure there’s ultimate consent.
Once discussed and agreed, a Mistress will train their sub/slave so that they can perform all of the tasks a Mistress desires.
Discussing & Agreeing to a Mistress-Sub/Slave Relationship
In the BDSM world, respect plays a huge role. One may see a Mistress-dom/slave relationship as disrespectful, as the Mistress requires her sub/slave to do whatever she enjoys while taking away control of everything their sub/slave does, but this is not the case.
In fact, a pre-agreed, and oftentimes formal agreement is discussed and consent is given in advance to ensure ultimate respect.
In a Mistress-sub/slave relationship, both parties safely, sanely, and consensually agree to what their relationship will encompass.
And still, a sub or slave has the power to say no or express discomfort, even with pre-discussed terms. This could be in the form of a safe word.
Is the Mistress-Sub/Slave Relationship One-Sided?
You may be thinking that because a Mistress has power over her sub/slave, having them perform all kinds of tasks to her satisfaction, that the relationship is one-sided. In actuality, both the Mistress and the sub/slave benefit from this kind of agreement. Submissives or slaves have a desire to be dominated and controlled.
For some, control makes them feel safe. When a Mistress makes decisions and sets goals, limits and boundaries, subs or slaves often feel a sense of relief. Subs/slaves form relationships with a Mistress that they trust and thus give them the power to tell them what to do while keeping them safe and cared for.
Different Types of BDSM Mistresses
Every Mistress-sub/slave relationship is different, and it would be impossible to define the exact nature of a Mistress-sub/slave relationship.
With that, no two Mistresses are the same. Yes, there is a shared quality of dominating a sub or slave, but this domination can vary considerably, depending on desires, likes, dislikes, and consent.
There are however general categories when it comes to types of Mistresses. The above description refers to the most basic of Mistresses, and is when a woman takes control of a sub or slave’s body and mind. In this relationship, there are rules, regulations, and guidelines, as well as punishment and rewards.
A Dominatrix on the other hand is a woman who wants to train a slave, but doesn’t necessarily want it to be a full-time lifestyle. For example, a professional Dominatrix is a Mistress who will take control of a sub or slave for a certain period of time. As the sessions progress, the Mistress will help them to become stronger and more obedient.
Dominatrixes can play with and dominate their client or sub/slave in such a way that pleases them during the scheduled time, after which the sub/slave is left to their own devices when a session is complete.
Then there’s something called a ‘mommy Mistress’, which could be considered age play or a kind of humiliation. A Mistress may order their sub/slave to dress up as a little boy or girl for sissy play. Dressing up a man in little girl’s clothing, making sure that they’re as girly as possible, for example, is a form of humiliation. The mommy Mistress will teach their sub/slave how to behave, and too can reward or punish them.
There’s also a queen or goddess Mistress, which is when a sub/slave adorns and cherishes their Mistress at all times. It could be in ways that make their Mistresses’ life easier, like cooking and cleaning, and/or it could include acts of body worship. Subs/slaves in this kind of relationship see their Mistress as a queen goddess and aim to serve them, and only them, as an instrument of their will.
Having said all of this, a Mistresses role (in any capacity) is not an easy one. It takes a lot of respect, communication, self-control and self-awareness to make sure that their sub/slave is happy, healthy, and taken care of.
Not everyone will be well-suited for this type of role, so if you’re considering it, be sure to do the correct research and engage in a lot of introspection in order for it to be a mutually-beneficial and respectful experience.
Helena is a sex-positive freelance copywriter in her early 30’s from Cape Town, South Africa. She’s travelled and lived in various countries in Asia and Europe for almost a decade, and continues to live her dream — traveling the world independently as a copywriter. Having written for various companies and magazines within the industry, she has extensive knowledge in the field of sexual health, the escort industry, and sex toy marketing.