Sexuality is a form of sharing – experiences, pleasure, love, and yes, genetic material. Yet, it can’t just be sharing because we don’t stop being sexual without a partner. Being single is by no means an obstacle to developing your sexual skills even if there’s presently a dry spell in your love life. Here are some things you can do to improve your sex life in the meantime:
Get To Know Yourself
Managing a relationship often requires a lot of work, and in that process we can be distracted from our own needs. Being single offers an opportunity to dedicate time to exploring yourself, including your sexuality. Understanding what turns you on, what type of stimulation you prefer, what makes you come quickly, and how you can delay and control the onset of orgasm are all useful pieces of knowledge that will help you make the most out of your sex life. Toys can be a helpful tool in discovering what you like.
Reflecting on past experiences is also a valuable and underutilized tool. Here are some questions to think about:
- Were you usually more dominant or submissive in your last relationship?
- Were you happy with that role, or did you want to try a new power dynamic?
- Did you voice your needs to your partners openly? If not, what held you back?
Give Your Body Some Love
If you use your single time to address your body and its needs with a loving and conscious approach, it will return the favor with positive feelings. Let’s consider masturbation. Sometimes we do it habitually without much thinking, almost as a task. Other times, we do it out of boredom or even abstain from it until we get overwhelmed by the urge.
There is no wrong way to do it, but that doesn’t mean you can’t improve. You can try treating your masturbation session as a special date with yourself and find a nice setting and proper time without distractions. Or, you might try to do it with less or no porn, relying on your mind for stimulation instead. You can also focus on the sight of your body, deriving pleasure from observing your sexual organ change with arousal, producing juices and/or getting harder. Try imagining what it feels like for another person to give you oral sex and how that might turn them on. You can also give yourself a long edging session, which feels great but is also an excellent exercise for reaching and maintaining your sexual plateau.
Work Those Muscles
Physical activity can make us more secure about our sexuality and getting intimate with others. However, it is crucial to find the will to work on your body from a loving position and not from a place of insecurity and negative body image. There are even workouts specific to improving your sexual stamina.
You do not need to change your body to deserve love, but if you love and enjoy your body, you might want it to be more active and use it in different ways because it feels good. Reap the benefits of working out because of the way it enhances your sexual performance. Sex is a physical activity and strengthening your body can help you reach stronger orgasms.
Don’t Forget About Kegels
Any journey of improving your sexual performance should also include some sort of Kegel exercises. There are many ways to strengthen your perineal muscles regardless of which sex you are, and you can experiment with different approaches until you find the one that works best for you.
The good thing about pelvic floor exercises is that you can engage them at any time of the day – try them while commuting to work or take a dedicated 10 minutes of your day. Do a certain number of rhythmic contractions without holding, or you can squeeze and hold. Women also have various accessories available like Kegel balls and vibrating eggs that can also double for foreplay arousal.
Men, on the other hand, can benefit from simple exercises when they are erect by engaging perineal muscles and creating resistance by gently pressing their penises downwards with their palm. Another option is to assume a standing position, lay a rolled-up towel over the base of the penis to create some weight, and practice lifting with rhythmic Kegel contractions.
Practice Conserving Energy
Abstaining from masturbation and sexual activity in general is a very interesting challenge, either as a spiritual practice or as a part of the no fap movement. The science is disputed that abstaining from orgasming is in any way beneficial and many psychotherapists will actually recommend you to come on a regular basis to help stabilize your brain hormones, but if you try it every so often, it’s actually a great way to learn about your sexuality and find out if it can control your desires.
