Ancient Buddhist teachings say that trying to use words to describe life’s most wondrous feelings—peace and enlightenment for example—strips them of their true essence. And while most of us might be a few karma points short of enlightenment, we could all agree that experiencing an orgasm – indeed, one of life’s great pleasures – is truly impossible to put into words.
However, in a quest to experience the inexplicable, there are some questions that only words can answer. Courtesy of LELO, here are the top five most commonly asked questions about orgasms—answered.
G-Spot. Fact or fiction?
Fact. Named after German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg after the “zone of erogenous feeling located along the suburethral surface of the anterior vaginal wall,” the G-Spot is the sensitive, bean-shaped pleasure point typically located about two inches up the front of the vaginal wall between the vaginal opening and the urethra.
Due to its tricky location about one centimeter under the vaginal surface, the G-Spot isn’t often stimulated through vaginal intercourse alone, but using a G-spot massager has done the trick for millions of women the world over!
Will aging lessen my chances of having an orgasm?
On the contrary. According to research scientists at Indiana University, women actually experience better orgasms with age. As far as the findings go, 61 percent of women ages 18 to 24 report having had an orgasm the last time they had sex, while 65 percent of women in their 30s and 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s reported the same.
Based on statistics and surveys, experts explain that built up trust, comfort and intimacy with a long-term partner improves sexual confidence. In addition, older women are more sexually experienced, therefore better knowing their body’s actions, reactions and pleasure points.
Why am I the only one not having an orgasm?
Obviously, you’re far from being alone on this one. One-third of women experience difficulty reaching orgasm during sex, and a whopping 80 percent of women have difficulty reaching orgasm solely through vaginal intercourse. Unless you’ve experienced every sensation on every part of your female anatomy (which of course, you haven’t yet), there’s always a chance your sweet spot has yet to be discovered.
We’d also like to change the way we look at orgasms. It’s easy to feel like we “fail” when we don’t reach orgasms, but there is so much pleasure that happens on the way to an orgasm. In fact, seeing anything as a goal in sex can kinda take away the fun and add a whole lot of pressure, which can be the thing holding people back from maximising their pleasure. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the arousement. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, you’ve still had some awesome sex.
Is there a possibility that it’s all in my head?
Self-esteem and feelings of wellbeing can certainly play a part in your ability to fully enjoy sex and experience an orgasm, but if you’re healthy, it’s time to put your mind at ease. It’s also worth remembering that frequent orgasms are good for your health!
When it comes to the question of how to raise your sexual self-esteem, it can be as easy as putting on some mood-lifting tunes or even snacking on some sexually stimulating foods, because studies show that as confidence and an overall positive perception of yourself and your body image goes up, so do the odds of having an orgasm.
What can I do to better my chances of orgasm?
How did we know you’d ask that? First of all, go back and take a look at the way you’ve been having sex in the past—positions, foreplay, etc. Next, remember this: women who frequently experience orgasms are most willing to experiment with different techniques, positions, toys and combinations of all three. Finally, start your experimental journey of getting to know your body, and if you have a partner, appoint them as your guide.
While massagers, especially clitoral massagers, can help you dramatically increase your odds of orgasm, the most important entity in this equation is your own body.
Concluding our ‘O’ Q&A, it helps to know what elements you’re in control of and which you’re not. As we’ve touched upon, a combination of physiological, biological and psychological factors contribute to the potential and potency of your orgasm. If you happen to be getting the max out of your climax: keep up the good work. If you’re still looking to tip the scales of sensual sensation in your favor, simply start by trying something new. In doing so, you’ll soon look back and realize that all that frustration was worth the wait.