So you’re looking to try something new in the bedroom? Oftentimes, when people think of BDSM, they may believe that it’s intense and sometimes scary. But this really doesn’t have to be the case.
There are so many different styles and themes of BDSM, as well as intensity levels, that it can be enjoyed by anyone who has a taste for something different.
First, what does BDSM stand for? BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. The D could also stand for Dominance and the S could also stand for Submission.
Second, what are BDSM bondage toys? These are tools designed to enhance sensations, dominance, submission, and role playing dynamics.
And third, why would anyone want to start using BDSM gear? They’re great aids for those who have kinks, fetishes, or a general interest in this kind of lifestyle, yes, but they also allow for a gentle exploration for those who want to dip their toe into the world of BDSM without jumping into advanced practices.
So today, this BDSM beginner guide will cover BDSM exploration and safe BDSM play, the best beginner toys for newbies to this lifestyle, how to use these toys safely, and tips for introducing BDSM play into the bedroom.
Understanding BDSM Play & Safe Exploration
Before you “add to cart” or visit a store grabbing all of the BDSM gear that looks appealing to you, it’s important to get a general understanding of BDSM and how to explore safe BDSM play.
BDSM, almost always, is a partnered activity, which means that there is someone else to consider. In this way, a discussion should be had beforehand to set down ground rules and to make sure both partners are on the same page…
Consent & communication are key
Together, you can talk about your desires, your limits, and your boundaries. This must be confirmed and understood by both partners before any play happens. If it helps, it could be written down. To solidify these desires, boundaries, and hard limits, a safe word should be implemented. For example, green could mean you’re enjoying the experience, orange could mean to slow down, and red could mean that all activity should stop immediately.
Start with light sensations
Whether you’re brand new or experienced, it’s great to start off light with some sensory play. For example, you could use a feather tickler to caress your partner’s body or perhaps a vibrator to create anticipation and arousal. This could be the perfect way to slowly inch closer to more intense things, such as impact play (for newbies, this could be something such as light spanking).
Always practice aftercare
Aftercare in the BDSM world is a must and involves the process of providing emotional, psychological and/or physical support to participants after BDSM activities. This is so that no partner feels discarded after a BDSM scene. Also, some may need some comfort and tenderness after this kind of play.
Best BDSM Toys for Beginners & How to Use Them
Here comes the exciting part! Newbies, here’s a list of the best BDSM toys for beginners and how to use them. Ready to find something that floats your boat, perhaps get your blood flowing a little?
Light bondage play: handcuffs and soft restraints
There are different types of BDSM bondage toys for light play that can be secured at the wrists or the ankles, providing gentle BDSM restraint. This will allow for a light submission and dominance dynamic without discomfort. You could go for beginner bondage toys made of velcro, cuffs, silk ties, rope cuffs, or leather wrist cuffs.
Sensory play & anticipation: blindfolds
Add a blindfold into the mix to cover your partner’s eyes which will heighten their other senses. This will aid in mystery and suspense, making each touch more electrifying. You could go for blindfolds made of satin, leather, or lace.
Sensory teasing: feather ticklers
A flirty way to stimulate your partner’s nerve endings would be to slowly stroke their body with a feather tickler. This can build up anticipation in a non-intimidating and pleasurable way, all the while preparing them for what’s next.
Gentle impact play: floggers & paddles
The keyword here is “gentle”. You can gently start with light, rhythmic tapping before increasing intensity (if this has been agreed upon). Whichever intensity you choose, it is a fun activity as it allows for controlled sensation play without (excessive) pain. You could go for a soft suede flogger which is great for light, playful strokes, or a paddle with a padded surface which would be fun for mild spanking.
Power play & submission: gags
To really enforce power exchange and submission dynamics, you could secure a ball gag in your partner’s mouth. A ball gag is a simple sex toy that renders the wearer unable to speak, increasing their feeling of submission. There are ball gags, bit gags, and breathable gags to try, enhancing their sensory focus.
Sensation play & arousal control: nipple clamps
Nipple clamps are “clamped” onto the nipples, thus providing hands-free stimulation. The sensation could range from a gentle tugging to a more intense pinching, while at the same time increasing arousal. You could start with gentle pressure and gradually adjust the intensity if you so wish, making it great for beginners. There are adjustable clamps, vibrating clamps, and magnetic clamps to try.
How to Introduce BDSM Toys into Play
Now that we’ve looked at the various BDSM toys for beginners, and we’ve touched on the importance of having open communication with your partner beforehand, let’s get more in-depth about how to introduce BDSM toys into your play time.
Start with one toy at a time
As we mentioned, before you add several items to your shopping bag, why not research and find one that seems intriguing to you. It’s better to start off small so as not to overwhelm yourself or your partner.
Use BDSM toys during foreplay
Try to incorporate your toy during foreplay at first as opposed to making it the main big event. This could be a gentle way in which to introduce it into your play time in an easy, slow manner. Experiment a little and see how you like it.
Take turns with different roles
Perhaps you’re not familiar with if you’d like to be more dominant or submissive. Take the time for both of you to explore both roles and see it as a fun learning experience. It could be that you identify more with one role, or perhaps you’re a switch (someone who likes to be both dominant and submissive).
Communicate throughout the experience
The communication portion doesn’t end when you start playing. Make sure to check in before, during, and after play time. And remember to make use of your safe word if need be.
BDSM Toy Safety Tips & Best Practices
Then, of course, you’re going to want to enjoy every second of your experience with your BDSM gear and play time. In doing so, it’s important to remember these safety tips and best practices.
Sex toy material matters
Be mindful of the material that your sex toy is made of. Aim for medical-grade silicone, leather, or hypoallergenic material. These are not only safe for the body but also are easier to clean and store. Other materials can be harmful for the body, and may be porous, making them difficult to rid of bacteria.
Avoid cutting off circulation with restraints
If you’re opting to use BDSM restraints, make sure that they’re secure but comfortable. They should never be so tight that they cut off blood restriction. Both partners need to be mindful throughout this process.
Slowly introduce impact play
Prepare the body slowly for impact play. It’s better to begin with gentle taps and slow glides before attempting increased pressure. It’s also imperative to continue talking with your partner throughout this process as to their comfort level and what their pleasure and limits are.
Clean sex toys after every use
For worry-free and safe BDSM play, be sure to clean your sex toys after every single use. This is to prevent bacteria build up and infections. After you’ve cleaned your toys, you can store them in a cool, dry place, preferably in a bag to avoid dust.
Have a safe word & emergency plan
We’ve mentioned it before, but having a safe word is of paramount importance. Things may seem to get hot and heavy, but when someone has reached their limit, there has to be a way in which to end things immediately, without fault. At the same time, if you’re using any BDSM toys that could pose any risks, there needs to be an emergency plan in-place. For example, if you’re using restraints, you may want to keep scissors nearby in case you cannot release the restraints.
Common Mistakes to Avoid in BDSM Toy Play
We’ve sprinkled some of these common mistakes to avoid in BDSM toy play throughout this article, but they’re all super important and thus, deserve a concise summary for your safety.
If you’re choosing to engage in BDSM play, or using BDSM toys and gear—whether a newbie or not—we urge you to avoid these common mistakes:
- Skipping consent discussion: consent is mandatory. Always communicate expectations and limits before play.
- Using cheap sex toys made of unsafe materials: unsafe materials, such as phthalates, are harmful to the body. Also, avoid toys with rough edges.
- Forgetting aftercare: BDSM pay can be emotionally and physically intense, so aftercare post-play is essential.
- Rushing into advanced play too soon: It could sound so intriguing that you may want to rush into the more intense side of BDSM play, but take your time to explore the lighter elements first. Build up the anticipation while educating yourself as you go along. All play needs to be done safely.
Exploring Advanced BDSM Play (For When You’re Ready)
To take a peek into what you may want to experiment with in the future, there are some other fun activities in the world of BDSM. While remembering to take it slow, you may want to learn more about these advanced BDSM play ideas when the time is right.
- Role playing with BDSM toys: Just like regular role play, such as doctor/patient, teacher/student, or more BDSM-geared role play ideas such as master/slave, you could use some of your BDSM sex toys in your role playing adventures.
- Temperature play: you can bring hot and cold sensations into the mix, such as ice cubes, candle wax, or even metal or glass sex toys. Temperature play can create engaging and stimulating sensory experiences for sexual arousal.
- Electrostimulation for enhanced sensation: electro wands or conductive pads can add a bit of voltage to your play time, adding in some delightful tingles or more exhilarating shocks.
- Chastity devices for control & orgasm denial: a chastity device is a physical restraint designed to prevent sexual intercourse. In this way, the dominant partner can control their submissive partner in that they cannot touch themselves or have any genital stimulation, thus aiding in orgasm denial. This could be fun as part of a longer-term BDSM dynamic.
Essentially, the most important takeaway in this BDSM beginner guide is that, if you’re interested in experimenting with a BDSM scene or with BDSM sex toys, is to take it slow, communicate, and experiment safely.
Remember, you are entering a new kind of play with a partner, thus everything that you do involves two people. Consent is a must, communication before, during, and after is a must, and taking it slow is strongly advised. We recommend exploring beginner-friendly BDSM toys at your own pace, perhaps checking out starter BDSM kits and best-rated toys for your first time.
You may love this Clitoral Balm to heighten sensitivity? It gives off a warming effect, encourages blood flow to the clitoris, and thus is a sensational sensory experience for some light BDSM play.
Or, perhaps you’d like to go a bit bolder than that? A Tassel Choker? A three-in-one cheeky BDSM accessory… an aesthetically-sexy necklace, a daring leash, and a delicate whip! It’s officially play time!
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