What’s ‘Second Base’ These Days, Sexually Speaking?

Whether you’re a pinch hitter in middle school or a relief pitcher who’s been to the mound a few times, you’re probably like us and very, very confused by all the baseball terminology that pop culture has made so famous. We’re of course talking about the different bases correlating to different levels of intimacy with a partner — think of a pimply kid breathlessly reporting to his fellow preteens about getting to ‘second base’ with someone behind the bleachers at school — that kind of thing.

second base

It was always just sort of assumed that first base was kissing, and making it all the way to home plate was sex; however we all know that there are so many things that can happen between kissing and sex! So where do handjobs and fingering fall in this sliding scale? What about giving a blowjob or eating pussy? Seems to us that this particular methodology needs an update, however here’s the traditional rundown of the ‘Bases of Romance’ or whatever they’re called where you’re from:

  • First Base: Kissing, over-the-clothes touching, and fondling
  • Second Base: Under-the-clothes touching, fingering, or handjobs.
  • Third Base: Oral sex 
  • Home Plate: Full-blown, penetrative sex.

As you can see, the baseball analogy for sexual involvement is a very inaccurate measurement. For instance, touching someone under their clothes and even under-the-bra fondling is still pretty far off from fingering or giving someone a handjob, isn’t it? Luckily for the adults in the room, we know that this has always been a silly little way for kids to talk about sex within easily understood boundaries. 

As you get older and more mature, you realize that compared to what you think you might know, love, lust, and romance are a whole different ball game — see what we did there? Well, it’s true: a little time and experience allow you to understand that there’s much more nuance to sex than just four different, kind-of-arbitrary levels.  

For instance, when you’re hearing of a friend’s great date they had the other night, you’re likely not wondering whether or not they ended up feeling each other up. You’re much more likely to wonder ‘was he nice?’ or ‘how did he treat the wait staff at the restaurant?’, which are basically better indicators of whether or not they’ll be compatible lovers, to begin with. For adults, the bases system is much more likely to break down as follows:

  • First Base: Clarifying intentions — making it clear that you want to sleep with the other person, and learning that
  • Second Base: Making plans to be alone together — when you’re both angling to get each other alone to make good on these intentions from first base.
  • Third Base: Being intimate together — this is where the actual sex and foreplay aspect comes in, and encompasses all acts, from kissing to full-blown penetrative sex.
  • Home Plate: Deciding to do it again — the ultimate ‘goal’ of intimacy isn’t necessarily just the sexual act itself, as much as it is the willingness of both partners to want to do it again and again. And again!’

So what do you think, sports fans? Does that sound like an accurate breakdown of the baseball sex analogy for adults? If you’ve got some other ideas, sound off in the comments below!