There are lots of odd legal decrees regarding sex all over the world. This week, we’re focusing on our friends in America, a country that’s got more weird sex laws than just about anywhere else. If you want to keep yourself out of jail, we suggest you study and memorize these regulations, otherwise you might feel the long arm of the law, get banged to rights, and other terrible innuendos.
10. Nil By Mouth
In South Dakota, you can get a whole decade behind bars for performing oral sex, or “copulation by means of mouth”. Rhode Island offers the same sentence and describes it as “an abominable, detestable crime against nature”. They must be doing it wrong.
9. The Annals Of Law
Anal sex is illegal in 10 states (Idaho, Utah, Michigan, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana). And just for reference, many states refer to oral sex as ‘sodomy’. Yeah, they’re definitely doing it wrong.
8. Girls On Top
It’s illegal for a women to be on top during sex in Massachusetts. That law must get broken a LOT.
7. Time In Solitary
A man can get 5 years in Arizona for “acts of gross indecency, either in public or private”. That’s right America, it’s not just kittens that you kill every time you masturbate, it’s justice.
6. 3 Strokes And You’re Out
Staying in Arizona, having more than two vibes in your home is a criminal offence. But judging by our sales statistics, no one in Arizona is paying attention.
5. Caught In A Flash
You can get five years and a $2000 fine for streaking with the “intent of arousing sexual desire” in Louisiana. Unless you run really really fast, all the way to Mississippi.
4. Pot Luck
In Alabama, it’s a criminal offence for a woman who loses at pool to settle her tab with sex.
3. Norfolking Way
Norfolk, Virginia expressly forbids having sex in a sidecar while it’s moving down a city street. Which is really strange, because we’re not even sure how that would be possible. Well, we guess love will find a way.
2. Cold Meat
In the town of Newcastle, Wyoming, it’s illegal to have sex inside a walk-in meat freezer. Must be why butchers are so surly all the time.
1. No Peeking
Peeping Tom laws all make sense. Except in North Carolina. There, it is of course illegal for a man to peep through a woman’s window. However, it is perfectly legal for a woman to peep through a man’s window. No, we don’t get it either.
Ok, so we’ve given the US a bit of a hard time today. In the interest of balance, in Britain, it’s illegal to “handle a salmon in suspicious circumstances”. Yeah, we know this isn’t sex-related, but we discovered it while researching this article and had to share it. Don’t believe us? Well it’s part of the Salmon Act 1986. So there.