Spring is in full swing, which means that a lucky few of us are already off visiting warmer climes, and the rest of us are busy making plan to do so come July. And, for those of us banking on a beach vacation to destress, sex is undoubtedly part of the plan. But if you’ve ever tried having sex on a beach before, it’s not as simple as you might think; so in order to keep giving so selflessly to you, dear reader, we field tested some tips for doin’ it in the dunes.
Case the Joint
Like a seasoned bank robber, you’re going to have to do a bit of recon before you do your dirty business. Look out for natural cover from prying eyes and sand-carrying gusts of wind. Also it might be a good idea for you to know when high and low tide come in for your chosen beach.
Bring a Towel
Duh. There’s no room for spontaneity when it comes to beach sex, and because you can’t plop down just anywhere and get down to your dirty business in full view of the swooping seagulls, you’re going to need to cover the ground. It goes without saying but sand + genitals = an itchy, unsexy time for everyone.
Bring Another Towel
Double duh. This extra towel is just in case you’ve got a group of people sunning themselves a couple hundred yards down the beach. Also, it’s another towel that you can use to dry yourselves with after your post-coital cleanup swim.
Wait for Nighttime
Having sex in public isn’t exactly legal everywhere, and having sex just a few yards away from a beach volleyball game is kind of a dick move. Because you’re a considerate person, you should be planning your beach sex for after dark when you’re less visible and the beach is less populated. Just don’t trip over another couple while you’re searching for your spot – however it would be a great meet-cute for you and a couple to start swinging with!
A big beach umbrella works wonders for keeping you out of view of other beachgoers, and likewise a couple of foldable chairs can provide some coverage for your carnal carrying-on.
For her: a flowing sundress or a sarong, or whatever flowy beach cover up is in this season. For him: swim trunks or large board shorts – whatever he can get himself in and out of quickly. The main idea is to wear something you get around in order to do it, and get back into quickly in case of prying eyes or passersby.
Make it Fast, but Make it Count
Time might be of the essence for you and your partner to get through this situation with your dignity intact, so you’re not going to have time for the most effective foreplay (sorry). However if privacy allows, you should be mindful to take in the sound of the surf and the sea breeze while you’re at it, because it’s not everyday that you can get busy on the beach.
When You’re Done, Take a Dip!
This will be the simplest piece of advice, but it needs to be said – the easiest way to clean up afterwards will be to run into the lake or the ocean. Nobody will have to know expect for you, your partner, and whatever fishes happen to be swimming by – but if you’re both keen for another round of sex on the beach, remember to return to dry land, becausesex in the water is never as good an idea as it sounds.