What is fisting? Fisting is when the hand, or entire fist, is inserted in the vagina or the anus for sexual pleasure. There are two types of fisting, vaginal and anal, each creating a unique sensation of fullness and stretching.
Is fisting safe? Fisting is generally safe, but it must be done slowly, with lots of lube, clear communication, and a lot of respect for you and your partner’s body.
Having said that, welcome! You’re here because you’re a newbie to fisting, or you don’t know what fisting is. That’s fine!
We’ve curated a complete guide to fisting, what it is, and step-by-step instructions. We’ve also gone ahead to bust one of the most popular and damaging myths about fisting: that it creates a “loose vagina”, and we’ve included a guide for ultimate health, safety, and aftercare.
Define Fisting: It’s Not What You See in Movies
A definition of fisting: fisting is when someone puts their hand into their partner’s vagina or anus. It’s a consensual act that involves a gradual insertion for pleasure.
Fisting is not forcefully inserting one’s entire hand into the vagina or anus. It’s actually done using a technique called the “silent duck”. This is when someone puts their hand into a position that mimics a duck’s beak (their fingers straight and grouped tightly). Some might use a balled fist, but this isn’t common.
Fisting can sound overwhelming. Especially for those who haven’t had much sexual exploration or tried any kind of stretching, be it vaginally or anally. But it’s important to know that the activity should include a lot of lubrication, patience, and clear communication.
For those who’re new to this kind of experience, it may be an excellent idea to practice stretching with sexual wellness aids, such as anal training butt plugs or using dildos or vibrators of varying sizes to get used to bigger sensations.
Once there’s comfort, fisting can be very pleasurable… unlike scenes you may have seen in movies or adult films.
If you’ve ever watched a porno of someone fisting their partner, you’ve probably noticed that the whole scene is aggressive. It’s often done in a forceful way, it’s dramatic, the reactions are exaggerated (as if they’re having the best time ever or they’re in visible pain), and you rarely see any lube in the entire video. This is not what fisting in real life should look like.
In reality, fisting should be done in the opposite way. It should be slow, patient, and deeply communicative. The focus is on pleasure, not pain. And actually, when all of these things are taken into account, the whole combination of stretching and pressure can lead to full body orgasms.
Does Fisting Feel Good? Why People Explore Hand Sex
For many people, fisting feels really good. And as we mentioned, there are two different types of fisting; vaginal and anal.
Why does vaginal fisting feel good? With deep internal pressure and the gradual stretching, it’s possible for the G-spot and the A-spot to be stimulated. When these two spots are stimulated, it has the potential to cause full body orgasms that are stronger than the ones people are used to.
Why does anal fisting feel good? There are a ton of nerve endings in the anus. What does that mean? The more nerve endings, the more pleasure can come about when they’re stimulated. So, when there’s stimulation in the anus plus slow stretching, a powerful sensation of fullness comes about that can bring about a huge climax. Plus, the prostate can be stimulated via the anus! That means that anal fisting can lead to a prostate orgasm, which is described as a full-body orgasm, better than penile orgasms.
Why try fisting for pleasure as opposed to fingers, sex toys, or a penis? A fist has the capability to fill the entire canal, which brings about a feeling of fullness and euphoria that fingers, sex toys, and a penis can rarely do.
There are also psychological rewards to fisting, whether you’re the one fisting or the one being fisted. For one, fisting involves a deep level of trust, surrender, and intimacy. One might feel a big sense of thrill as if they’re being “taken” or completely filled. This is why fisting is often considered a sexual kink, and often appears on kink checklists.
Having said that, fisting is a deeply personal experience, and a blend of physical intensity and emotional connection.
Essentially, who do people explore hand sex? Here are some reasons:
- They seek fuller and deeper penetration
- They seek new experiences
- They want to feel closer to their partner
- They like to push boundaries in a consensual way
- They enjoy the feeling of being stretched
As mentioned, fisting does need to be done slowly. For most people, it won’t feel amazing the first time. And that’s why we reiterate the importance of lube and relaxation.
The “Loose Vagina” Myth: What the Science Says
There is a common fear for women who want to get fisted that it’ll cause a loose vagina, or permanent pussy stretching. Good news? It’s simply a myth and holds no truth.
As sex educator Lisa Finn explains, “The myth that your vagina will stretch out is like (your parents tell you) not to make a certain face or it will get stuck like that.”. She adds: “The vagina is an elastic muscle that will return to the size it was after the fisting session is over.”
For a more medically-accurate answer, Dr. Mary Jane Minkin, MD (Clinic Professor of Obstetrics, Gynecology & Reproductive Sciences at Yale University School of Medicine), explains the “loose vagina” myth by saying:
“The vagina is comprised of elastic tissue that can stretch while retaining its original shape. Although the vagina can stretch during sex to accommodate the size and shape of whatever is going inside of it (like a penis, sex toy, or hand) it won’t retain the size. After sex, the vaginal muscles contract and the vagina goes back to its original size. You can’t permanently stretch your vagina, no matter how often you have sex or what size the object is.”
Essentially, the “loose vagina” theory is merely a myth. In fact, the vagina is actually designed to stretch dramatically and then return to its normal tone within hours. Think about childbirth, for example.
How Does Fisting Work? A Step-by-Step Guide
How does fisting work? It should be done slowly and carefully, with consent. The key is patience, communication, gradual progression, constant check-ins, and stopping at any sign of pain.
Preparation
If you’re the one doing the fisting, trimming and filing your nails is a non-negotiable, and a way to prevent micro-tears. Engaging in foreplay for about 40 minutes beforehand is also a great idea as it will relax the muscles making them stretch more easily.
Lube
Always have lube on-hand. Tip from Dr. Jill McDevitt, PhD, sexologist: “Use three times as much (lube) as you think is a lot! And continue to keep adding more.” We recommend a thick, silicone-based lube.
The Role of Gloves
For ultimate hygiene, you can use latex or nitrile gloves. This will also provide a smoother entry.
The Gradual Entry
Start with one finger, then graduate to two (in a “V” shape). Only proceed when your partner is fully relaxed, aroused, and eagerly ready for more.
Moving In Further
When ready, you can create the aforementioned “duck beak” shape to enter your partner. Go slow at the knuckles, apply steady, gentle pressure, and encourage the receiver to breathe slowly and to stay relaxed. There should never be any force or pushing. Once you’re fully inside, you could either keep the duck shape or curl your fingers into a loose fist. Some gentle movements such as slow rocking, twisting, or small circles can be fun, but don’t engage in fast thrusting.
This step-by-step guide is a general how-to for fisting.
For anal fisting, you can follow the same steps, but it’s absolutely necessary to have even more patience and to use much more lube. This is because the anus has two tight sphincter muscles and it doesn’t produce any natural lubrication on its own. Go slow, use thicker lube if you prefer, and spend extra time on foreplay.
Additional Tips
- The main challenge is the knuckles because it’s the widest part of the hand. Go slowly, and once you’ve passed the knuckles, the hand should slide in more naturally.
- Once your hand is fully inside, it’s often more comfortable for the receiver if your thumb side faces toward the belly button in vaginal fisting.
- Not every session will end with a full fist inside, that’s normal. The idea is to gradually stretch and enjoy the process as you go.
- The first few times can be uncomfortable. Don’t push yourself, and don’t continue if you feel pain. Go slowly and at your own pace.
- For the first few times, try warming up for 20-45 minutes before you try going for the full hand.
Is Fisting Safe? Risks and Red Flags
Fisting is safe, if done properly (not rushed, forced, without preparation, or communication). But, like other intense sexual activities, it carries a higher risk than gentler forms of penetration.
Additionally, McDevitt sheds light on the risk of increased STI transmission, and highlights the fact that this could be an issue from not using enough lube or going too fast, which can cause microtears in the tissue.
On the other hand, when fisting is done properly, and involves a kink checklist and ongoing verbal check-ins, many people enjoy this kind of sexual pleasure without any complications.
Are there any red flags when it comes to fisting? Well, a red flag would be if it hurt. Many people want to know: “does fisting hurt?”, and no, it shouldn’t be painful. If you find that it’s sore or uncomfortable, you should stop. This is the most important red flag when it comes to fisting.
Some other fisting red flags (that warrant a doctor’s visit or a trip to the ER) include:
- Heavy or non-stop bleeding
- Intense abdominal pain or cramping
- Any sign of infection
- Symptoms that feel “wrong” or don’t improve
Aftercare and Recovery
Fisting, as deeply wonderful as it can be, is also an emotionally and physically intense experience. For that reason, aftercare is essential.
What is aftercare? It’s a moment after intense sexual activity, like fisting, where partners intentionally give their time and care to each other. It’s a way in which to recover physically and emotionally, and to reconnect after a big scene. It also helps the body and the mind ‘come down’ safely from high arousal, adrenaline and endorphins, which are all present during highly intense play, strengthening intimacy between partners.
Some aftercare ideas after fisting:
- Sit or lie down close together for skin-to-skin contact, soft touching, or simply breathing and relaxing together
- Drink water and have a light snack to stabilise energy levels
- Rinse your vaginal or anal area with warm water (but never use harsh soaps inside)
- Be there for one another as one of both of you may feel a bit emotionally vulnerable and/or physically sore afterwards.
- Check in with each other with affirming statements like ‘How are you feeling?” or “Was that okay for you?”
- Give your partner space if they need/ask for it
- Give your partner reassurance such as “I loved how connected we were”.
It’s evident that fisting is an intense and intimate form of pleasure. It’s a combination of physical, mental, and emotional aspects that require a lot of patience, clear communication, a generous amount of lube, and respect for your and your partner’s body and its limits. But, when all of these things are in check, fisting has the ability to be deeply satisfying and intensely orgasmic for those who practice/enjoy it.
We hope we’ve cleared some things up for you, such as the “loose vagina” myth, and that you’ve learned a new way to immerse yourself in your sexuality.
Fisting isn’t for everyone because, at the end of the day, sexual kinks like fisting, are deeply personal, and there’s no right or wrong way to explore your pleasure. But, it may just be your new favourite go-to.
Final note? Remember that consent, communication, and always listening to your body is a must.
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