Sex Toys Aren’t Shortcuts—They’re Tools For Better Intimacy

Long are the days where dildos and vibrators were used in doctor’s offices to treat hysteria in women (yes, that’s actually a thing). Today, owning a sex toy is pretty standard for both men and women. 

Woman using vibrator with male partner

In fact, in a 2017 survey conducted at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute, it was found that 53 percent of American women owned at least one vibrator. 

It was also found that women in a relationship were just as likely as single women to have a sexy toy in their nightstand. These women reported having greater levels of arousal, increased self-lubrication, and were more prone to orgasming. 

To add to the good news, it was shown in another study by Church and Dwight Co.Inc. (the maker of Trojan products) that American men who often incorporate a vibrator into sexy time with their partner experience higher libidos, better erections, better orgasms, and higher levels of sexual satisfaction. 

Many of these men used vibrators to stimulate their partner’s clitoris which, in turn, increased their arousal.

But one of the biggest concerns men have with using a vibrator during sex is, will it replace them? Well, to quote Michael Castleman, M.A., “In partner lovemaking, vibrators don’t replace men any more than power tools replace carpenters”. An apt analogy, for sure.

Until such time that a vibrator can hug, cuddle, kiss, and proclaim undying love, this sex toy simply can’t replace a partner. Nor is it a way to “cheat yourself to the finish line.” It would actually be dumb to not take advantage of the tools we have for better intimacy, no? It’s also not about getting anywhere faster, but exploring better sensations through all the factors that influence love-making.

With that, here are a few ways that you can use a vibrator to enhance your sex life… 

How Can You Enhance Your Intimacy By Using a Vibrator?

Body Massage

As you may well know, many vibrators, like the magic wand-style vibrator, were often marketed as a ‘massager’ that one could use on their neck, shoulders, and back. And while the best way in which to use them were quickly discovered, the initial ruse did actually have some validity to it.

By using a vibrator as a massager, it can induce a relaxed and comfortable state. It can also aid in rejuvenating sore and tired muscles, which will inevitably make one feel good. 

How can you incorporate it into your play time? Have your partner lie down comfortably, and allow them to tell you where they’re in need of some ‘relief’. 

Added bonus? If you use circular motions on the body using a vibrator, you can effectively stimulate blood and lymphatic circulation, and can assist in heightened levels of arousal and sexual energy.

Genital Play

A vibrator is oftentimes a welcome pleasure for many women whilst being intimate with a partner. This is because a woman usually has a harder time reaching orgasm via penetration, making a vibrator on her clitoris, vulva, and/or lips, a very sensual experience that is more likely to induce climax. 

And because each person has different things that they enjoy, communication between partners is key. Some women, for example, may have a very sensitive clitoris, which could bring about discomfort if stimulated with a vibrator without prior knowledge.

For men (and women, actually), a vibrator can be used to massage the perineum, the area between the anus and the scrotum/vulva. This part of the body tends to have a large number of nerve endings, making it a pleasure spot for both sexes. 

For men specifically, massaging the area in the moments leading up to orgasm helps to intensify the climax.

Another nifty toy for men would be that of a prostate massager. This sex toy has a curved tip that, when inserted, has the capability to reach the p-spot. The p-spot is a walnut-sized gland inside the anus that, when stimulated, can cause intense and very satisfying orgasms different to that experienced during masturbation and penetrative sex.

Sex Education

If you’re with a new partner, or you’re working on bringing a bit more magic to the bedroom, there’s something very erotic about the idea of having your own personal sex education class. And while this could be done using your hands, inviting a vibrator into play time can definitely heat things up quicker.

Sex education, in this respect, means showing your partner what you like using a vibrator. This isn’t an unreasonable idea, as it’s already been established that 53 percent (a number that is probably higher today) of women own a vibrator. 

Engaging in a little self-love whilst you show and explain to your partner what feels good can not only educate them, but also cause intense arousal, and ultimately, better foreplay.

During Intercourse

Now that several ways in which a vibrator can enhance your playtime during foreplay have been discussed, it’s time to take a look at ways to use this lovely little device during intercourse. We are quick to bust out the lube and lingerie to heighten our arousal, and toys should also be included in partner play.

Couple’s Ring

A couple’s ring (oftentimes called a ‘cock ring’) is the perfect way to enhance the sensations of sex for both partners. 

This kind of toy is worn by him, and placed on the shaft of the penis when flaccid. Then, when he becomes hard, he’ll experience a stronger erection while feeling the sensation of vibrations. 

This is called a couple’s ring despite being worn by him because, once your lovemaking shenanigans have begun, she too will benefit from the vibrations.

One Toy, Two Bodies

Another way to spice up your sideways tango is to use a handheld massager that sits comfortably in between you and your partner during sex. The LILY 2 is an external toy that fits in the palm of your hand… small, but powerful.

To use this toy, you’ll nestle it between you and your partner’s body during missionary, or with the tip of the toy against her clitoris when she’s on top. It has eight stimulation patterns, so it’s all about finding that perfect rhythm that enhances your pleasure during intercourse.

Sexy Positions for Intense Vibrator Play

If it’s more specific ideas that you’re after, these three sexy activities will surely cause a bit of a buzz.

Spooning Sex

Spooning sex is a favourite for many, as it’s pleasant and intimate. It’s also a sex position that’s super easy for her to enjoy with a vibrator. Whilst in the spooning position, either he or she could stimulate her clitoris and breasts using this sex toy. 

If she wants to DIH (Do It Herself), she not only has the ability to control the vibrator to create a sensation that she likes, but also gets to enjoy sex in a comfortable position. This is surely the best of both worlds. 

And if he wants to take control, he has the satisfaction of knowing that he’s giving her double the pleasure…  at the same time. Win.

Remote Wars

A much sexier game of remote wars involves two vibrators, one for him and one for her. And instead of fighting over a TV channel, you will challenge your partner to see who can withstand the most pleasure.

In this fun activity, she can slip on a pair of vibrating panties or wear a bullet vibrator, while he can put on the F1s male masturbator. This sextech device can be paired with a phone through an app. Hand your phone over to your partner and grab their remote, leaving each person to be responsible for their partner’s pleasure.  

You can just run with your imagination and make it as thrilling as possible for both of you. There are no universal rules, which makes it even more exciting.

TIANI 3 Toy

Last but not least, try your hand at the TIANI 3 remote-controlled couples’ massager worn by her. It works by inserting one arm inside, while the second arm stimulates the clitoris

Grab your partner and get yourself comfy in the missionary position. In this way, the vibrations will extend down the length of him, providing both with some seriously sensual lovemaking. 

This toy is bendy to suit all body shapes, and the SenseMotion remote allows you to adjust the intensity with the flick of a wrist. Admit it, wrist action never felt so sexy with this nifty device for couples.

If you’re not sold on vibrator play by now, that’s totally fine… but chances are you’re already using them for solo play, which means the opportunity for better partner play is already there. What have you got to lose?

Written by: Helena Lorimer

Helena Lorimer
Helena is a sex-positive freelance copywriter in her early 30’s from Cape Town, South Africa. She’s travelled and lived in various countries in Asia and Europe for almost a decade, and continues to live her dream — traveling the world independently as a copywriter. Having written for various companies and magazines within the industry, she has extensive knowledge in the field of sexual health, the escort industry, and sex toy marketing.

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