Of course not all men feel bad after sex. In fact, and oftentimes, when ejaculation occurs, a slew of feel-good hormones are released, making them feel all sorts of wonderful feelings.
But, there are some men that feel bad after sex, and this can be completely normal if the sex itself is consensual and pleasurable.
The condition is called Postcoital Dysphoria (PCD) or even “post-sex blues”. And while women can also experience PCD, today we’re going to be looking at men who experience it specifically.
This is because men and women have different biological make up, so reasons for and symptoms of PCD differ depending on gender.
Postcoital Dysphoria in men: feeling down, sad, or emotionally flat after sex
PCD is a condition more often studied in women, but research shows that men experience it too.
In fact, a 2019 study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that up to 41 percent of men had felt post-sex sadness at least once in their lives, and about 4 to 5 percent experienced it regularly.
This condition may be misunderstood however. It isn’t about regret or poor performance—it’s actually an emotional response that can occur regardless of the quality of the sexual experience.
What does Postcoital Dysphoria feel like in men?
For men who experience PCD, they could experience:
- a sudden wave of sadness or emptiness after orgasm
- irritability, guilt, or confusion
- a feeling of emotional distance from their partner
- tears or restlessness
These feelings usually only last for a few minutes to a few hours, then fade naturally. For some, it can linger for longer.
Why do men feel bad after sex: the 7 potential causes of Postcoital Dysphoria
PCD is complex and it can come about due to a mix of physical, psychological, and emotional factors.
1. Biological and neurochemical reasons for PCD in men
During sex, the brain releases dopamine, which is the ‘pleasure’ hormone, oxytocin, the ‘bonding’ hormone, and endorphins, the ‘relaxation’ hormone. But, after orgasm, there is a sharp drop in these hormones.
For example, dopamine. When it drops, it can trigger a temporary emotional “crash”, almost like a come-down after a high. Why the sudden drop in dopamine? The introduction of prolactin, a hormone which promotes sexual satisfaction and relaxation. It rises rapidly after orgasm, inhibiting dopamine. And oxytocin, when returned to baseline, can feel like a sudden loss of closeness or warmth.
PCD can feel like an emotional whiplash caused by the abrupt neurochemical shift from high arousal to physiological calm.
2. Psychological reasons for PCD in men
Sex can evoke intense emotional vulnerability, and this can cause some men to feel exposed or uncertain afterwards, especially if they have trouble processing emotions. They could also have feelings of guilt, shame, or conflicting beliefs about sex that may resurface post-orgasm. Additionally, men who’ve experienced stress, trauma, or depression may find these feelings re-emerge after the excitement passes, when the nervous system relaxes.
3. Relational reasons for PCD in men
If a man has sex with someone without emotional intimacy or if there’s tension in the relationship, they may feel disconnected or regretful afterwards. Even in loving relationships, a sudden drop in closeness after orgasm, or when partners withdraw, can feel emotionally conflicting. On the other hand, if casual sex is had, especially if one partner expects more than the other, emotional tension could be felt after intimacy.
4. Physical reasons for PCD in men
During sex, the heart rate and energy increases, which can cause fatigue afterwards. This alone can cause a post-sex slump. And those who experience dehydration or low blood sugar could feel increased weakness or melancholy after orgasm.
5. Refractory reasons for PCD in men
The refractory period is after a man has ejaculated. It’s a recovery phase when arousal and energy naturally decline. During this time, the heart rate and blood pressure drop, and the body releases parasympathetic nervous system signals which promote rest and relaxation. This sudden slowdown can feel emotionally exhausting, especially after intense arousal or prolonged sexual activity.
6. Anxiety and self-evaluation reasons for PCD in men
Some men can feel a mental aftershock of performance anxiety after sex. This can include worrying about if they were good enough, if their partner was satisfied, or if they met certain expectations. These worries can lead to emotional exhaustion, or mild sadness after the excitement has faded. Those who experience this are usually the type who are perfectionists or have self-critical tendencies.
7. Trauma reasons for PCD in men
If a man has experienced sexual trauma, emotional neglect, or attachment issues, sex could unconsciously reactivate those emotions when arousal subsides. It’s also possible that men with depression or anxiety disorders may be more sensitive to the emotions fluctuations following orgasm, which can heighten the effects of PCD.
How men can manage and reduce Postcoital Dysphoria when it happens
When guys feel bad after sex, it can contribute to an overall negative experience. And this is exactly the opposite of what one should be experiencing during consensual sex. There are 5 ways however to manage and reduce these bad feelings.
1. Biological and physical recovery
After orgasm, your heart rate, blood pressure, and dopamine all drop. In this case, you should drink water to clear stress hormones, rest or nap briefly to reset your nervous system, and/or eat something with protein.
You could also practice slow, deep breathing activities to calm the body and reduce emotional volatility. For example: sit down, inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 6, repeat 10 times.
2. Emotional & mental strategies
Try not to suppress your feelings. Rather see them as a normal biological and emotional event. At the same time, reflect on them rather than ruminate. You could gently ask yourself, “Did something about the experience trigger this feeling?” Reflection leads to understanding, rumination may find you feeling guilty or confused.
Another idea is to establish a post-sex ritual, such as cuddling afterwards, or listening to music to ground yourself and let your body know that intimacy continues even after climax.
3. Communicative approach
Honest conversations can make a big difference. “Sometimes I feel low after sex, it’s not about you, it just happens,”. This can help your partner to understand that it’s physiological and not emotional rejection.
4. Emotional techniques
If PCD stems from an emotional disconnect, one could spend more time engaging in non-sexual activities with their partner, such as talking, cuddling, and laughing. Eye contact during and after sex is also a way to enhance emotional intimacy. The closer and more emotionally safe the bond, the less intense the post-sex sadness tends to be.
5. Psychological & lifestyle support
Seeing a therapist could help one to unpack emotional repression or guilt around sexuality, attachment or intimacy issues, and/or underlying anxiety or depression that intensifies after sex.
One could also manage their own stress by getting better sleep, managing their workload and burnout, and limiting alcohol and nicotine, which can disrupt mood regulation.
With that, it can be common for men to feel bad after sex, and there are a number of reasons why. These feelings don’t have to interrupt normal daily functioning, and can go away after a few minutes or hours on their own. But, if they are a problem for you, we definitely recommend practicing some of these techniques, as well as possibly seeking help.
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