Get in the Mood! 6 Ways to Reignite the Fire in Your Sex Life
It’s inevitable… the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. So, whether you’ve been dating for six months, or married for sixty years, those endorphin-fuelled romping sessions you enjoyed with your partner when you first started dating will never quite feel the same again. But that isn’t a bad thing!
When you start feeling comfortable with your partner, there is major potential for things to get even hotter in and out of the bedroom.
It’s during this time that trust and respect can increase ten fold, which gives both partners the opportunity to communicate their desires, hopes, and aspirations in a more natural and perhaps even more secure way.
So while the honeymoon phase may be over, and you might be feeling a little less frisky, here are six ways that you can reignite the fire in your sex life.
1. Move Your Body
For many, the way in which they see their bodies can have a direct impact on their sex life. If one feels embarrassed, ashamed, or unhappy with their body, they’re more likely to deny sex and have the capacity to feel low levels of arousal. This is why exercise can play a huge role in getting your groove back.
Not only that, but when you exercise, your body releases a ton of happy hormones, like endorphins. These hormones are powerful, and have a similar effect to that of morphine! Low-intensity exercise too can help decrease the production of cortisol (the ‘stress’ hormone), which can help you to feel more relaxed. All in all, a win for your sex life.
For a bit of inspiration, you can see our list of exercises that’ll help enhance your sex life.
2. Run Hot, Not Cold
You may not know this, but your immediate surroundings play a big part in whether you feel ‘in the mood’ or not. One thing in particular that can impact your sexy time, is the temperature.
According to research conducted at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands, something as simple as cold feet can come between a woman and her orgasm.
“At the beginning of the trial, only 50% of our female subjects were able to reach orgasm,” said study author Gert Holstege, M.D., PhD, “We learned that they were uncomfortable because they had cold feet. We gave them socks, and 80% reached orgasm.”
Adversely however, it’s interesting to know that couples tend to engage in less sex when temperatures are extremely high. This was discovered after 80 years of fertility and temperature data in the U.S. was analyzed.
Researchers found that “the number of births tends to drop significantly between eight and 10 months after a day when the mercury climbs above 80 °F (26 °C)”.
This is perhaps because high temperatures may have a direct impact on the quality of a man’s sperm, and the ovulation process in women. There could also be a link between high temperatures and hormone levels.
A pro tip from Alan Barreca, researcher and associate professor at Tulane University: Use air conditioning to your advantage! “Based on our analysis of historical changes in the temperature-fertility relationship, we conclude that air conditioning could be used to substantially offset the fertility costs of climate change.”
3. Cross Off That To-Do List
For many, crossing off the niggling little tasks on your to-do list can be immensely satisfying. This, in turn, can result in a clearer mind, and induce a more relaxed state, making it easier to unwind and enjoy sex.
So, we decided to take a look at sex therapist Ian Kerner’s advice. Kerner has a PhD, and is the founder of the app, Coral, which helps you to “achieve your best intimate life through a mix of science, stories, and practical exercises created by experts”.
“In order for women to relax into arousal and experience orgasm, the parts of the brain that associate with outside stressors must deactivate during sex.”
So do yourself a favor and make use of your elbow grease – you’ll thank us later!
The best way to figure out your likes and dislikes, and to open up a whole can of sexy worms, is to masturbate.
Whether you do it solo (this isn’t cheating, btw!), or you engage in mutual masturbation with your partner, this is one of the best ways to get yourself feeling sexually charged and energized. Also, for some, it can be extremely erotic to watch their partner pleasure themselves.
Masturbating is a way in which to take control of your own body, and to find your most pleasurable spots. In this way, you’re able to communicate and or encourage your partner to engage in these bouts of sexy play with you, making it a better and more positive experience.
5. Implement the ‘10-Minute’ Rule
It’s easy to get drifted away during sex with stressors and qualms of the day. And when you’re not present and in-the-moment, it’s near impossible to get aroused, let alone climax.
Which is why it’s been recommended by Dr. Kerner to give yourself 10 minutes to really try and get in the mood. He says that many people don’t give themselves a fair chance to really decide or allow themselves to get aroused.
The motive behind the 10-minute challenge, is to give your body time to really tap into and catch up to the things that your mind really wants.
6. Get Close in a Non-Sexual Way
Engaging in non-sexual intimacy, be in action or with words, can be a powerful way in which to reconnect with your partner. It’s a kind of ‘love language’ that can transcend into many aspects of your relationship, be it sexual or emotional.
For example, simply talking about your love and fondness for your partner can be a kind of foreplay. By telling them how attractive they are, complimenting them on the way in which they make you feel, and how you love being with them can enhance your emotional intimacy, which in turn, can make a positive impact on your sex life.
And when it comes to non-sexual physical intimacy, studies show that holding your partner close for 30 seconds or more triggers the release of oxytocin, the hormone that emboldens trust and sexual desire between intimately familiar people. You could also give each other a massage, hold hands, or tickle each other’s arm while watching your favourite show.
A pro tip for women from Dr. Kerner: When you’re sitting close to your partner, take a few deep breaths. This is because “if you like your guy’s scent – and most women do, for biological reasons – it will usually function as an aphrodisiac.”
Having looked at the facts, it’s fairly evident that there’s intense hope for those who feel their sex life is on the decline. It’s not just about hopping on the sex train and immediately feeling aroused, but rather getting into a comfortable mental and emotional space too!
Helena is a sex-positive freelance copywriter in her early 30’s from Cape Town, South Africa. She’s travelled and lived in various countries in Asia and Europe for almost a decade, and continues to live her dream — traveling the world independently as a copywriter. Having written for various companies and magazines within the industry, she has extensive knowledge in the field of sexual health, the escort industry, and sex toy marketing.