Dear LELO: How Do I Give a Blow Job to Someone Who is VERY Well-Endowed?

Dear LELO
I’ve never had reason to doubt my oral sex skills before, but my current partner is….well, significantly bigger than partners I’ve had before in terms of length and girth. He hasn’t complained about my blow jobs, but I usually can’t finish because my jaw gets too sore or I start gagging, so what can I do??
-Sore Jaw in Arkansas

Ah penises. Just like vulvas, they come in plenty of shapes and sizes, which demonstrates the wonderful uniqueness of humans, but also means that our tried-and-true bedroom skills don’t necessarily transfer from one partner to the next.

Our advice for bestowing blow jobs on your bigger-than-average beau without further beleaguering your mouth is to bring it back to the basics. Bam.

By this we mean, rethink what a blow job is and how you perform one. Oral sex is essentially about exploring your partner’s genitals with your mouth, meaning your lips and tongue. Rather than trying to immediately fit the entirety of the penis in your mouth, use gentle kisses, long licks and sucks of varying pressures all along the shaft, head and testicles, finding the spots that provoke the biggest response.

Don’t focus on trying to take the entirety of your partner in your mouth; it’s really your lips and the tip of your tongue that can give the most sensation, and your hands can be used toward the base (trying switching up combos of fingers encircling it) while you’re using your mouth, or just when you need to give your mouth a bit of a break.

If it’s the suction that’s making fellatio uncomfortable rather than your gag reflex, you can also let your partner take control and thrust into your mouth. During which you can focus your attentions (and hands) on other parts of his anatomy like perineum or anus. Be sure to establish a ‘tap-out’ signal though, in case you need to come up for air!

Finally, if it’s the satisfaction of bringing your partner to orgasm from oral, you can always make that your finishing move; having sex in missionary or a woman-on-top sex position makes it easier to—with clear communication—switch from penetrative sex to oral right before your partner is about to come.

Have a question for us? Just leave it in the comment section below!

Written by: Lea Marsden

Lea Marsden
For Lea, what once was “a European summer abroad” turned into traveling the world and studying sexual cultural differences for the past 6 years. She has a PhD in Gender & Sexuality and has a theory that dating guys in their twenties is an unpaid internship. She’s currently writing from a cafe in New Zealand.

6 comments

  1. i have tried to give blow job to men with very big equipment just get head in my mouth

  2. I haven’t had a lot of partners and not much experience in bj’s but with my current boyfriend I do all of what you mentioned as the “basics” (kiss, lick and suck) but nothing seems to really work, he enjoys it a little bit but what he wants all of the time is for me to go deep throating and I don’t like that that much, so, is there a trick I can do to please him without me going that deep? and (this may be stupid) how can I refuse or stablish limits on that without him feeling rejected?

    • Katy Thorn

      Hi Ana! I think the best way I can recommend mimicking the sensation of ‘deep’ oral is to use both your hands around the shaft, one in front of the other and in front of your mouth, ideally with a generous amount of lube on your hands. In terms of establishing a limit, a double tap on the leg (it’s a good non-verbal ‘safe-word’) to stop him if he starts thrusting and pulling away to say, ‘I can’t go that deep’ or ‘I want to control the depth’ should do the trick. Deep-throating is not something everyone can do (or enjoys) and there’s nothing wrong with that, and an understanding partner will get that. Hope this helps!

  3. The head hanging over the edge of the bed position allows for deeper penetration for the man AND for more comfort for the woman. If the penis curves tightly in the opposite way, it could be a problem.

  4. Also, I have soft retainers from my dentist as Stage 1 for teeth straightening. The soft set came in handy with a huge man. I tore up my lips trying to keep them over my teeth, but it was a losing battle. When I tried them out, it was the first scrape-free fellatio he had ever had. And I could really open my mouth wide, not having to worry about covering my teeth.

  5. As we men fantasize about being ‘Beeeg,’ down south, it will come as no surprise to learn that as far as women go, the outer labia majora, and to an extent, the inner labia minora, are where all the nerve endings hang out ( G-spot aside), so my Man, fear not if it’s only a 6 incher,, as long as it is as hard as steel, she’ll get to love you more ‘n more – promise!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.