What Sex Tips have You been Practicing to Stay Sane?

There’s no doubt this past year has brought about unexpected change for everyone, even in the bedroom. Whether you’ve been cooped up with your partner and having sex out of boredom or home alone testing out virtual masturbation, this pandemic brought along an opportunity that showed us that sexual wellness is an important part of our overall mental health. 

How Many People Masturbate

What exactly do we mean by “sexual wellness”? Sexual wellness represents a balance of everything physical, emotional, mental and social within the context of intimacy with ourselves and our partners. We promote better pleasure without rigid labels or discrimination, because there are many paths to experiencing bedroom bliss.

Here are some suggestions on how to stay sane in a world that currently isn’t.

Practice Mindful Sex

It’s not the “kumbaya” stuff you might be thinking of, mindful sex is mind-blowing sex. All it requires is being in the present and understanding why you’re doing what you’re doing. Although it sounds simple, most of us are guilty of something called “spectatoring,” where a lack of focus diminishes our ability to orgasm and its intensity. A majority of this distraction comes from thinking about our appearance. Ever found yourself thinking about what you look like during morning sex, or stressed about when the last time you shaved was? The key to amazing sex isn’t doing more per se, sometimes it’s the practice of doing less thinking. If you find yourself in the loophole of spectatoring, try repeating a mantra in your head or picturing your thoughts being carried away so you can enjoy the good stuff.

Create a Sex Bucket List

Sitting down with your partner to create a list offers you each an opportunity to try that thing you’ve been wanting to do without the risk of rejection from your partner. What starts off as a tick off the sex bucket list may turn into a must in your ever-changing sexual repertoire. Here are some ideas: public blowjobs, sexual denial through BDSM, anal, female-female-male threesomes, etc. Of course, don’t agree to anything you don’t actually want to do AND enjoy the journey even if you don’t tick something off your list. For example, if someone’s goal is to orgasm or squirt, sometimes they’ll get so caught up in the end goal that they’ll feel disappointment which actually hinders their pleasure. This is all about trying new things for the sake of better mental health, so don’t you dare be hard on yourself.

Immerse Yourself in Nature

Ask anybody about their interests or scroll through Tinder bios and you’ll see a common theme of traveling or loving the outdoors, but how often do we merge this idea with the commonality of sex? Many people share the fantasy of intercourse in public and some even get off on being watched because exhibitionism offers us the chance to do everything we were taught not to do as kids—strip down in front of other people. Even if that’s not quite your thing, having sex in nature, public or even just outside your bedroom offers a fresh perspective that can get the ball rolling on new adventures. Try getting it on in your car or testing out a wearable vibrator at dinner. 

Try a New Form of Masturbation

Let’s be real, an overwhelming majority of the time we masturbate in the same exact place, position, way and even to the same pornos. We’ve been refining our turn-ons since we discovered that touching ourselves was pleasurable, and there’s no blame in that. All we’re saying is that there might be a different way that also gets you off. You can try standing up while masturbating (since gravity makes your blood flow to your genitals and increase pleasure naturally) or experiment with toys in the shower. You can put on your sexiest lingerie and play with yourself in front of a mirror. There really are no rules as long as you’re listening to what your body wants. 

Keep Your Body Moving

Exercise, what we all talk more about doing than actually doing! It doesn’t have to be that way though, especially since there are a ton of exercises that lead to better sex. The exercise benefits of sex include a better body image, bedroom performance enhancement, stress reduction, improved circulation and stronger joints and tendons. Is that enough of an incentive for you to get it on? Not only does sex act as a form of exercise, there are also exercises you can do to better your sex. Either way, it’s a win-win situation. Test out breathing techniques, Kegel exercisers, and traditional exercises that keep you limber and increase your stamina.

Written by: Donna Turner

Donna is a Volonté contributor and freelancer who lives in San Francisco with her understanding husband and not-so-understanding teenage sons. Her work has been published in The Journal of Sexology and she is currently writing a book on love languages.

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