Cowgirl is one of those positions that tends to be very divisive; some swear by it as the perfect position to control penetration as well as their own pleasure while others feel awkward and exposed when straddling their partner.
Below, we address some of the most common complaints about this position with minor adjustments and fixes that can make this the best sex position for an intimate slow grind, a wild ride, and anything in between!
Have the thrusting partner sit upright (they can hug your body, lean back on their palms, or lean against a headboard) and you not only have the face–to-face body (and mouth-to-mouth) contact that makes sex seem more intimate, you can also more easily use their torso (or the headboard) for extra support when dictating the speed and depth of thrusts. This greatly helps if your partner has a large frame and for exploring different patterns with your grinding, such as drawing ‘figure-eights’ with your hips.
The emphasis of course, is on ‘grinding;’ you won’t have a huge range of motion with this position in terms of longer strokes. This, coupled with having their hips pinned down, means that your partner may have trouble controlling their orgasm. This can be aided with the use of a couple’s ring, which will extend their staying power and add an extra sensation for you.
The Union of the Lotus
Position Difficulty: 2/5
For increased intimacy and giving control to the partner on the bottom.
Slow and sensual, this sex position gives you the intimacy you both may feel is lacking when the thrusting partner is lying flat on their back, and lets you take a more passive role if you’d like, focusing on using your hands and to stimulate other parts of your partner’s body.
Because your partner will be using their hands (as well as their always-important core muscles) to help move from beneath you, it is not a very active position but requires strength. As well, it tends to work best if the receiving partner is a lot smaller than their partner.
The Hard Lean
Position Difficulty: 1.5/5
For extra leverage when you’re in control, increased G-spot and external stimulation.
While this adjustment can also work with the partner on bottom lying flat, one of the top perks of this sex position is that it opens your hips upward, giving increased pressure against your G-spot or prostate from the thrusting partner. It also creates a better angle for external stimulation from hands or a small vibrator, particularly if you find positions that require leaning forward make it difficult to stimulate the clitoris. As well, many people find this is a flattering position as it stretches the muscles of their stomach taut.
Of course, those stretched-long stomach muscles won’t just be looking pretty; they’ll be needed for a lot of the movement here and it can be quite tiring (while also a sexy workout). As well, if you have any weakness in your elbows or wrists, this may not be sustainable for very long. You can lean back totally onto your elbows with the support of your partner, who will then take a more active thrusting role.
Position Difficulty: 4.5/5
For taking charge and showing off.
This sex position, which can be used for cunnilingus or penetrative sex, is nothing if not a showstopper. The thrusting partner lies flat on their back while the partner on top places one foot forward beside their partner’s torso (foot flat) and the other leg is directed backwards (in between or outside their partner’s legs) with weight placed on the knee and shin.
This position gets dismissed as too difficult for many to try, but it requires more flexibility than strength. Both partners can support each other with thrusts, but you may find yourself shifting your weight from legs to arms and back again if you do get tired out.