How Can You Spot A Partner That is Losing Interest?

Did you know that the word ‘honeymoon’ actually holds a negative connotation? In short, the word represents the moon which is ever-changing. It basically suggests that newly weds will experience bliss after their wedding, but just like the moon, their relationship will inevitably change. And this is true of new relationships too.

When you start dating someone, it’s like slowly working your way to the top of a rollercoaster. You’re excited, nervous, somewhat anxious, and full of anticipation. Your stomach could be in knots or simply full of butterflies, but either way… there’s no chance you’re feeling bored or ambivalent.

The drop is equally as thrilling, as all of your feelings are multiplied, and you feel that rush of adrenaline. Then the ride ends, and while it was an experience that was so full of physical, mental and emotional energy, you continue to get on with your life on land. 

To sum up, new relationships are like roses, rainbows, and sunshine. And then, things equal themselves out and you get used to one another. The dynamic of the relationship changes, and this is often a period in which people tend to wonder if their partner is losing interest in them. Sometimes, this could be the case. Other times, it’s just the way the dating game goes. 

Let’s look through those concerns and questions, and find out if your partner really is losing interest, or if it’s just the lay of the land. 

Partner that is loosing interest

What Are the Signs That Your Partner is Losing Interest?

They Make Zero Effort to Spend Time With You

Does your partner suddenly have other things they need to be doing? Prioritizing other engagements or even bailing on plans? While couples who are slowly getting comfortable with each other soon start to continue living semi-separate lives again after a while, a partner who is losing interest will stop making you a priority, and often cancel plans.

They’re Distant, Agile, Moody, or Annoyed When With You

Does it feel like everything you say or do seems to annoy your partner? They’ve become somewhat mean towards you, almost making you feel as though you’re bothering them by your mere existence? This is especially true when they think you’re trying to take time away from them when they want to see their friends or do their own thing. 

Your Time Together Feels… Forced

Does it feel like being together is hard work? Before, it might have been relaxed, happy, and content, but now… you feel as though you’re putting in all the work in an attempt to make them happy or to notice you? It feels like walking on eggshells, and probably a waste of energy, right? This is quite often a sign that they’re losing interest.

There’s No Talk of the Future

Happy couples talk about plans, whether they’re long or short term. They use pronouns like ‘we’ or ‘us’. When your partner shifts, and seems incapable of committing to any future plans – even if that plan is attending a friend’s wedding together in a month – it’s usually a sign that they’re losing interest. 

They’re Not Emotionally Supportive

A partner should be someone who you can rely on through good times and bad. So when you need emotional support, and they’re suddenly ‘too busy’ or nowhere to be found, they’re just not truly invested in you nor have enough respect to be your support system.

They Don’t Want to Label Anything

If you’ve been (casually) dating for a few weeks or months, but ‘the conversation’ hasn’t happened yet, you can assume one of two things: either they’re waiting for you to bring it up, or they’re not as keen to call you their boyfriend or girlfriend. The best bet is to have the conversation to gain clarity. It’s better to know than to not know.

They Refer to You as Their Friend

Have you been out somewhere and your significant other has introduced you to someone – be it a bestie, a co-worker, or even a stranger – as their friend? Hmm, perhaps it’s time to evaluate the situation to find out what’s really going on.

They’re Secretive

Suddenly your partner is keeping their phone in their pocket or in their hand and they’re not as willing to let you look at it. Or perhaps they’ve become defensive or passive aggressive when you start to ask seemingly innocent questions. Privacy is one thing, secrecy is another. In a partnership, communication and transparency is key. If these two things are lacking, perhaps they’re losing interest.

Signs Your Relationship is Merely Moving into a New and Comfortable Phase

You Feel Like You’re Stuck in a Rut

When two people become comfortable with each other, things aren’t as shiny and new as they were. It may be because you or they feel that going on adventures in order to discover each other is not necessary anymore, and you’ve gotten all too familiar with staying in on Friday night with take out and Netflix

This isn’t always a bad thing but if it does make you question your relationship, perhaps you could start having a date night once a week or month, or try new things in the bedroom to spice things up.

Your Partner Takes You for Granted

Whether it is in a friendship or a relationship, when you become comfortable with someone, you get the feeling that they’ll stick around no matter what. And this is when people are often taken for granted. 

Your partner may feel as though they’re so comfortable with you, that they need not go the extra mile anymore. Now is the time to add a new spark to the relationship!

The Sex is Monotomous

You’ve had all the sex, and now it feels as though you’re going through the motions. There’s a simple way to fix this… experiment! 

Sexual experimentation is always fun! You could try playing sex games for adults, or kissing games, or you could start researching other kinky sex acts. Talk to your partner in a non-threatening environment and tone, and try not to make them feel judged when they open up about some of their sexual fantasies. Having an open mind is key.

Your Partner Forgets Their Manners When They’re With You

When your partner starts leaving their towels on the bathroom floor, burping after taking a slug of beer or soda, or farting in bed at night… this is an obvious sign that they’re comfortable with you. But a gentle reminder about manners might be something to consider.

Your Partner isn’t Taking Care of Themselves as They Used to

Perhaps your partner used to be freshly showered and shaved with makeup on or a nice outfit before, but now… it’s as if they’ve let themselves go. 

This is the number one sign of being comfortable. And while it’s great to be comfortable, self-care should always be a priority!

Why Do People Lose Interest in a Relationship?

Lack of confidence

If you haven’t heard this before, confidence is sexy! An average-looking Joe or Josephine could easily be the apple of someone’s eye if they’ve got a ton of self-confidence.

So if you feel as though you’re not very confident, and are often self-conscious or visibly uncomfortable with yourself in front of your partner, desire tends to diminish.

Being ‘Too Much’

This is like when someone calls a woman “crazy” (not cool, and women hate that, btw!). But truly, when someone is so desperate for a relationship or some form of companionship that they become overbearing and obsessive, this is a very unattractive trait.

Timing

In this case, the expression “It’s not you, it’s me,” is actually accurate. Sometimes you’ve met someone amazing, but unfortunately the timing is just completely off. 

Maybe they’ve just gone through a bad break up, or they’ve got a lot of stress at work, and they just can’t find the time to invest in a new relationship.

Too Much, Too Soon

The start of a relationship is usually so fun, that couples tend to go at it at warp speed. By the time month four rolls around, you’ve fizzled out and lost that spark because you’re already basically living together and personal boundaries are non-existent. 

The key is to take it slow and enjoy the ride.

What Can You Do if Your Partner is Losing Interest?

Focus on Self-Growth and Personal Development

It’s never fun to imagine that the person you adore is losing interest. But if this is the case, it’s the perfect time for some introspection. 

Instead of wondering what they think about you, why not think about what you think of yourself? As mentioned, self-confidence is sexy, so if you can start remembering all of the reasons why you’re awesome, this will transcend into your personal and social life.

Remind Your Partner Why They Were Interested in You

If it’s time to relight the spark, do something bold to remind your partner why they were head over heels for you in the first place. This could be doing something fun together that you used to do in the beginning of the relationship, or perhaps even doing a little strip tease.

Try New Sexual Experiences

Sex is a basic, animalistic need. And as we mentioned, when things in the bedroom fizzle out, it can be somewhat upsetting. Instead of taking it personally or deciding that the relationship is doomed, try something new! The possibilities are endless!

Communicate when Calm

Have you ever tried to have a big conversation while angry, hot-headed, or overly-emotional? And how did that work out? Probably not so good. 

So, if there are a few things you feel you need to get off your chest, try to take a few days, get some space and some clarity, and then sit down with your partner to discuss your feelings.

Try Not to Take Things Personally

At the end of the day, your partner may be distant and showing signs that they’re losing interest merely because they’ve got their own stuff going on. It doesn’t always have to be about you! 

This is why it’s important that they know you’re trusted support for them when they need it. 

And to end off on a lighthearted note, here’s an interesting fact concerning the correlation between fear of losing a partner and desirability… 

Fear of Losing a Partner vs. Desirability 

Researchers Simona Sciara and Giuseppe Pantaleo found that couples who were in a happy and stable relationship but then faced the possibility of a break up had higher levels of desirability during the uncertain stage. This ‘risky’ period could be due to social disapproval, parental interference, or lack of support.

This all comes down to when partners are so comfortable that they take their significant other for granted. In this situation, the risk of break up is low and has shown to result in lower romantic feelings. 

When the chances of breaking up are high however, one or both partners may finally realize that they had taken their partner for granted, which often leads to higher levels of romantic and desirable feelings.

Essentially, it’s the notion of wanting what you can’t have, or the fear of losing something that you did have. 

Interesting stuff, right? 

So, whether you feel that your partner is losing interest, or you’ve now realized that it’s just a matter of being comfortable with each other, you have the tools to address the situation. Hopefully everything works out perfectly fine… we’re rooting for you!

Written by: Helena Lorimer

Helena Lorimer
Helena is a sex-positive freelance copywriter in her early 30’s from Cape Town, South Africa. She’s travelled and lived in various countries in Asia and Europe for almost a decade, and continues to live her dream — traveling the world independently as a copywriter. Having written for various companies and magazines within the industry, she has extensive knowledge in the field of sexual health, the escort industry, and sex toy marketing.

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