7 Relationship Goals to Keep the Spark Burning Red Hot
Relationship goals come in many different stripes: becoming ‘official,’ moving in together, having a child, winning The Amazing Race…
Obviously those goals aren’t for everyone, but what are the goals to set in your long term relationship to maintain that healthy spark that keeps you both mutually invested in bringing each other pleasure?
1. Take Your Love on the Road
Explore each other as if for the first time, as inspired by a new location. It could be in a new city or an entirely new country, but don’t discount the power of a novel setting when it comes to inspiring passion.
We are particular fans of communing with nature with al fresco sex, as there are countless natural wonders around the world that will overwhelm your senses with appreciation for just how extraordinary everything around us, and how the miracle of pleasure that is human sexuality fits in with the rest of the world. Plus, being naked in public is just plain thrilling.
2. Explore a Different Role
Once you get over the initial shyness you both may have about opening up about your fantasies (which should happen more than once, because it’s very normal to develop new interests over time) then you can enjoy the other attractive part of role play. Both in and out of the bedroom, it lets you shed a bit of the routine that develops in your life. If you’re worried, for example, that your partner has started to only see you as the parent of your children, what better way to shake things up than becoming the sexpot of their fantasies?
3. Help Each Other Orgasm (In New Ways)
For most (but not all ) people, our first orgasms are self-induced, and that’s not a problem. Masturbation is healthy for a number of reasons, but particularly as it helps us understand our own pleasure.
That being said, many of us get used to orgasming one way. When we reinforce a particular method of reaching climax as the one way, we can forget to treat sex as something for the goal of pleasure. There are multiple types of orgasms (for men and women) and we can serve as cheerleaders as well as an extra set of hands (or any other body part, for that matter) in helping our partner with the sometimes frustrating task of ‘deprogramming’ our body from climaxing just one way.
4. Celebrate Red-Letter Days
Whether sent via phone or tucked into their pocket when they leave the house, little notes are perfect way to show that you care…and also express all sorts of other naughty aspirations.
Now, this works best it’s not something that happens every day (after all, you do want to keep some things special) but it can also help if you both become used to sharing minor frustrations and workday events constantly. Getting these things off your chest is great (and should be shared at some point) but keeping that out of your text conversation (or taking breaks from constant day-time texts) leave your missives of sexual affection as a respite from daily doldrums and give you something to actually discuss later on.
5. Explore Sensory Deprivation
Now don’t get us wrong, we love our sense of touch, but there are just so many ways to deliver delightfully sensuous input to our partner’s body!
It may seem basic, but exploring sensory deprivation in one way or another is an excellent way to help you and your partner ‘ignore the script’ of your usual sex life. Using blindfolds, you can use different scents and sensations to see what parts of their body you can make tick, or even use music to trigger a mental reaction based on memory.
6. Toy with Each Other
If 83% of LELO couples who have used a sex toy say it had a positive effect on their relationship, why are so many people still reticent to incorporate toys into partnered play?
One on level, many people might still associate toys with masturbation, and masturbation with a completely solo act. Even if that were true (which it isn’t!) there comes one of the ideal innovations to sex toy tech in the past few years: couples’ sex toys.
With a wearable vibrator such as TIANI™ 24k, the dual-motors provide internal and external stimulation, as well as a fuller sensation, to both partners. That means that you both can enjoy the benefit of heightened sensations in a way that is completely unobtrusive, not to mention that can be incorporated to all your favorite intimate sex positions!
7. Find Outside Erotic Inspiration…Together
Swinging might not be for everyone, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t find erotic inspiration outside your relationship and share it together. Enjoying pornography or erotica together not only breaks down barriers when it comes to sharing parts of your very personal relationship with pleasure by mutual masturbation, it also lets you safely explore new sexual desires and gives you a ton of kinky inspiration to carry out yourselves!
Even if all of these don’t fit perfectly in your relationship, there is a common thread to these relationship goals: communication, exploration, and most importantly, continuing to place a high value on shared emotional and physical intimacy. Our need to crazy quickies at every possible time of day may not last after the first blush of your romance, but that’s not to say that your fun is done; you still have plenty to explore together!
Katy Thorn is a post-grad writer with a passion for writing about sex, sexuality, and all things rated R. She received her degree in Women’s Studies with a focus in Intersectionality at the University of California, Berkeley (Go Bears!). She has a cat named Yoko, drinks too much black coffee, and hates writing bios.