Are Long-term Relationships Better Than Casual Ones?
Many a sexually confident woman has found an amazing partner with whom to build a satisfying relationship, in and out of the bedroom but…it can be hard to forget the electricity and excitement of your single days. Can that desire for casual sex be replaced or reduced in a long-term relationship? In this article, it’s NSA vs LTR.
Are you really hanging up your hat as a sexually adventurous person when you enter a committed relationship? Absolutely not!
The very comfort that you might think is a drag is one of the very best things about being in a committed relationship. When you’ve been with a person for a while, your inhibitions (even if there were few to start with) completely fall away as you build up trust. If you’ve nursed each other through food poisoning on your trip to South East Asia, chances are you’re not going to be embarrassed or self conscious to bring up something you’ve been dying to try in the bedroom.
Planning For a Sexy Future
Making goals for the future isn’t all about saving up to re-do your kitchen; it’s also about having a partner to plan nude weekends with or book a dirty weekend away. If you were to do all the positions of the Kama Sutra at a rate of one a week, it would take you a year and a half to go through them all. That’s commitment.
When Emotions Run Hot
We know the thrill you get from a potential conquest, the palpable tension that makes the blood rush to your ears and your brain automatically calculate exactly how many inches their body is from yours… yes, we know it well. However, we tend to conveniently forget that it doesn’t last.
Frankly, it’s good that it doesn’t. Imagine how exhausting that’d be, never mind impractical for actually getting anything done during your day. Instead, that electric crackle changes to a deeper attachment.
Hence the biological importance of love. Evolution has a fine balance when it comes to love: at the start of a relationship, or in the heat of no-strings sex, that lust you feel slowly gives way to love as the relationship progresses. This is important for the survival and continuation of our race: love helps us form a strong connection between two people who may be – in the eyes of evolution – about to produce offspring. That monogamy, that exclusive loyalty, is more important at species level than lust, because it helps to ensure a devoted environment in which offspring can develop.
We’re not saying, of course, that monogamy is necessary right for everybody; after all we did publish this guide to swinging and we recognize the benefits of all forms of non-monogamy and monogamy. What we’re saying is the slide from passion into commitment is a biological one.
With 81% of our Global Survey respondents saying that they are satisfied with their sex lives, and around 75% being in committed relationships, it seems the theory that all good things come to an end in relationships is a myth. There are millions of sexually active long term relationships.
Sure, maintaining excitement and novelty in a long term relationship might take some effort, and it may seem like you’re working against nature when it comes to offering variety to your partner, but little changes and surprises going a long way to keeping the passion alive.
If Variety is the Spice of Life…
That doesn’t necessarily mean foregoing long-term relationships in favor of casual ones. Mixing things up in your relationship (in and out of the bedroom) keeps you and your partner learning about each other, as well as growing and changing together as a unit. It can be something as wild as exploring BDSM together, to incorporating discreet, remote-controlled pleasure into your date nights. The beauty of a long-term relationship is that you both know each other well enough to guess what might excite the other person, and feel comfortable enough to share something that might sound just a little bit crazy. Plus, you’ll have two people just as interested in finding new, exciting things to do, and two heads are better than one!
Donna is a Volonté contributor and freelancer who lives in San Francisco with her understanding husband and not-so-understanding teenage sons. Her work has been published in The Journal of Sexology and she is currently writing a book on love languages.