Talk This Way: Dirty Talking Tips
Dirty talk; we’re all no doubt familiar with it, cooing mock-erotic epithets in our lover’s ears for a giggle – but how many of us actually use some sultry sayings during lovemaking? Even the chattiest Cathy clams up at the thought of making things awkward with some misinformed phrasal usage, and they’re right to feel that way; because dirty talk isn’t as easy as it sounds.
As with anything worthwhile, there are rules that you’ve got to abide by to make sure your erotic utterances comes off as genuinely sexy – they’re simple, but often overlooked;
Set the Limit & Stay Within It
Becoming a pro dirty-talker starts before you open your mouth, in fact it starts when you open your ears. It can be hard to account for every single eventuality ever, but you should at least start off with a basic idea of what words your party find sexy and which they don’t. This can take place outside the bedroom, whether you’re making dinner, watching a sexy movie scene, or having a tickle fight while you say ‘moist’ over and over again in their ear.
Once you get in the bedroom, give each other ideas of what you want to hear, either by straightforwardly saying, “Tell me about…” or “Call me your…” (whatever ‘…’ might be). And if your partner tries something that leaves you cold? Rather than being abrupt, try whispering in their ear ” Mmmm, say this instead…”
Set the Stage
Is your partner in for a spanking? Are you? Will you bind them with handcuffs or put them in a blindfold to up the pleasure factor? Well then say so! Giving sexy spoilers will make clear your intent while building anticipation in your partner for what’s to come. More than this, it gives them a chance to weigh in on whether or not they’re into what you’ve got in mind.
Recognize (and Respect) the Line Between Fantasy & Reality
When it comes to dirty talk, always, you don’t always follow through with your naughty narrations. Part of dirty talk is building up a fantasy world where, literally anything you say goes, however not every filthy figment of our imagination (even if shared with a partner) is something we actually want to experience.
So now you know how you can actually use dirty talk in your lovemaking, now what do you actually say, and how do you say it? A rule of thumb is that sexy is contagious; if you’re saying something that would turn you on, it will no doubt have the same effect on your partner.
Now that you’re in the know about the ins and outs of dirty talk, give it a try during your next sensual session (or even beforehand, via sexting) and let them know what you’re thinking about doing, what you’re currently doing, and what you just did to them. No matter what though, keep a good sense of humor about the situation you’re in, because having a giggle together is a valuable thing to share.
Katy Thorn is a post-grad writer with a passion for writing about sex, sexuality, and all things rated R. She received her degree in Women’s Studies with a focus in Intersectionality at the University of California, Berkeley (Go Bears!). She has a cat named Yoko, drinks too much black coffee, and hates writing bios.