Why it’s Okay Not to Like Anal Sex

Feeling bombarded by the current anal sex craze? It’s totally valid to NOT dig butt sex, and here’s why.

As a sex toy company that champions exploring anal play, we love that so many people of all genders feel liberated to give butt play a chance. We’ll be the first to encourage anyone, anywhere and at any point in their lives to find pleasure in mindful and safe anal sex, both of the partnered and solo variety. That’s IF you really, really want to do it, anyways.

But what about the rest of us? The drastic lifting of a majority of butt sex taboos have left seemingly little space for folks who have no desire to try anal, or haven’t, according to some, ‘given it enough of a chance’ to get to enjoy it.

However, any good sex educator will tell you that, sure, anal might be trendy, but that doesn’t mean you or your partner are ever required to like it, engage in it, or even try so much as a pinkie finger up your b-hole if you can’t get into the idea in the first place.

This blog goes out to anyone who feels a bit lost in the marketing sea of anal sex hype. If you really like bum play, you know exactly why it’s so popular. Similarly, if you can’t wrap your head around it, you’re also aware of the starkly unfavorable reasons why just as many others aren’t into it at all

No one should ever feel pressured into anal sex – or any kind of sex at all without enthusiastic consent. If you’ve yet to feel validated in your likes and dislikes in the bedroom, we hope these lesser-known reasons for disliking anal help you gain confidence in affirming your boundaries. 

You’re Ultra Prone to UTIs (Even if You’re Not Switching Holes)

Did you know that every time you have sex, your vaginal pH balance is thrown off… well… balance? Every. Single. Time. And it doesn’t matter if you’re doing a long-term partner or a casual lover. It’s just that easy to get an infection after any ol’ kind of sex. 

Do I even need to say this twice for the ladies and folx in the back who can contract a UTI from merely thinking about sex? (You know who you are, and you know that statement is almost sarcasm… almost.)

Way, way back in my early 20s, I used to get a UTI every time any kind of anal play occurred. It didn’t matter if me and my partner never switched back and forth from the anus to the vagina. It didn’t matter if I showered right before sex. It didn’t even matter if my partner got up, went to the bathroom, and washed himself before engaging in any other kind of sexual play.

I wound up with a UTI every single time butts that were brought into the equation. The only way I was able to end my UTI sex nightmare was by foregoing antibiotics for minor urinary tract infections, which forced my body to adapt and fight the infection by itself with the help of UTI pain pills, lots of water, and either Kombucha or cranberry juice (but that’s another story).

So, honestly, if you’re one of the folks for whom anal leads directly to a UTI, we feel you. Skip any sexual acts that lead to suffering, whether during or after play time.

Moderate to Heavy Anal Penetration or Stimulation Just Never Feels Pleasurable

There’s a good chance you might like some form of anal play. Maybe it’s light pressure against the outside of your bum hole during clitoral stimulation, or when done just right, the very tip of a thin dildo, vibrator or slender finger can feel amazing while you climax. But whenever you push past the line of very-light anal activity, all pleasure is lost.

If you’ve already found your butt bliss and it lies in the most vanilla of back door desires, there’s no need to explore even a single step further. ‘Liking anal’ doesn’t have to mean taking a huge dildo, multiple fingers or an entire penis – ever. 

So, maybe you like your b-hole touched after all, but anything in the moderate to heavy play range feels uncomfortable. You’re far from alone if full-on, deep penetration, quick thrusting, or a feeling of fullness put your brain in ‘Holy sh*t, where’s the toilet?’ mode instead of leading you to orgasm.

Do anal play your way, babe. Clean up that cute butt with a shower and try butt sex activities on the lighter side, like tongue rimming, holding a vibrator against the outside of the anus during foreplay, or rubbing the exterior of your well-lubed b-hole up and down your partner’s penis in cowgirl position.

Your First Anal Experiences Were Less Than Great

At some point in your life, you may have had a partner who manipulated you into trying anal sex before you were ready, or pushed you too far, too fast. It’s no wonder you’re totally off the idea of ever going near your bum again.

With a new, more considerate partner and under better circumstances, you might be up for giving anal another go. But what if you aren’t? What if anytime you attempt to practice even the most gentle of insertions, whether alone or with a caring partner, you can’t stop cringing and all desire goes straight down the drain?

Early experiences with anal sex can set you up for life, for better or for worse. Later on, you might find yourself in a partnership, or even in a better relationship with yourself, that gives you the desire to re-start butt play from the beginning. But guess what? If that time never arrives, you’re still not obligated to attempt to force yourself to like anal sex. 

You Can ‘Handle’ Anal Sex, But It Rarely Feels Good

When it comes to sex, simply put, why bother continuing to do something that doesn’t feel good? 

Sexual pleasure comes easily to some, but requires a lot of mindfulness and careful experimentation for others. Then there are those of us in the middle, especially when it comes to butt play. Your bum can certainly accommodate a finger, small dildo, or penis with concern for anal safety, but it might not feel that great for you.

At worst, anal sex might feel mostly uncomfortable, like you’ve – to put it frankly – got something stuck up your ass and your body would highly prefer that it wasn’t there. Anal sex can trigger the feeling that you really need to poop, which some folks can’t get aroused enough to move past. 

Additionally, the feeling of stretching and penetrating your anal sphincters – the muscle groups that aid in both containing your poop inside your intestines and pushing poop out into the toilet – can feel uncomfortably intense and even painful if anal sex doesn’t arouse you. 

At best, anal sex might not be a total nightmare, but it might not turn you on, or trigger or heighten your climaxes. It’s something you simply ‘put up with’ for a partner, and if it never happened again, you’d be happier for it.

Continually engaging in sex acts that trigger your brain to think ‘sex=discomfort, pain, or generally having my needs ignored’ can eventually turn you off having sex altogether. Instead of feeling aroused, thoughts of sex now cause your muscles to tighten, your stomach to lurch, and your emotions to lean towards the anxious and nervous type. 

This is not the type of partnered sex life you deserve. If anal sex isn’t working out for you, don’t ever let a partner make you feel as though you owe it to them – even if you think you can ‘just handle it’ to please them.

Relationships do require work to keep the romance alive, but that should never include sex that’s painful, uncomfortable, or leaves you wondering if you can ‘handle’ what your partner forces in the bedroom.