There are a lot of presuppositions and myths about anal sex: Men want it more. It’s not pleasurable for her. Everyone’s doing it apart from you. There’s no such thing as an anal orgasm. So on and so forth.
These sex myths are demonstrably untrue; all they do is expose the fact that people don’t talk about anal sex well enough, because it’s still relatively taboo in mainstream conversation.
But why should this be? As part of a loving relationship, or even as part of a brief and hot encounter, anal sex has a lot to offer. Not to mention, the relative taboo nature of anal is part of its appeal for many participants.
There are two tricky obstacles to overcome. First, how do you initiate it when you want it and second, how do you make anal sex more pleasurable and enjoyable?
Initiating Anal Sex: Her
When you decide you’re ready to receive anal sex, you need to be in control of it from start to finish. That means you need to make it obvious that you want it, because he might be too uncertain to initiate it without your express permission. The easiest way to tell him you want anal is, well, to tell him you want anal. Many men aren’t so good at picking up dropped hints or reading the subtlety of your body language, so telling him directly and explicitly that you want it is the only failsafe approach.
Note: telling him very explicitly that you want anal while you’re already having sex with him will have the best results. That’s like a golden ticket for most guys.
There are alternative ways to start anal sex, though. Texting or emailing him your desires will let him know your intentions long in advance, but this has two drawbacks: one, you may no longer be in the mood when it comes to it, and two, he might think that’s all you want, so he’ll focus on that and leave the rest of your body wanting.
A sexier approach to telling him you want anal sex is not to tell him, but to show him. Let him watch you play alone, perhaps with a small vibe or even a plug, and put it everywhere you want him. It’ll drive him crazy, and you’ll certainly get what you want, where you want it.
Initiating Anal Sex: Him
Does anal sex hurt? Yes, very often it does, even if it doesn’t hurt for long. But is anal sex pleasurable? Yes, potentially. But you need to approach it… sensitively.
If she hasn’t initiated it or made it obvious that she’s open to anal sex, or if you’re not 100% sure she’s given you the green light, then you need to make sure it’s ok before you try, otherwise it’ll be a while before you can try again.
So exactly as above, there are several options available: tell her directly during sex or foreplay, tell her beforehand via text or email, or show her what you want by paying her butt some extra attention during foreplay and gauging her reaction.
There is a slightly more adventurous way to initiate anal sex, providing you’re having sex already. Find a comfortable position – we suggest a kind of spooning position, with her laying on her side with her back to you, and you behind her. This position is good because it’s comfy, all of her bodyweight is supported and her muscles are relaxed. Then pull out of her and rub yourself against her butt. She’ll quickly acknowledge whether it’s ok or not without having to break the mood.
Make Anal Sex More Pleasurable
While there are those rare times that, like stars aligning, the mood will strike both of you simultaneously and you’ll have the most incredible and satisfying anal sex imaginable, usually there is some preparation required.
Remember that if you’re receiving anal sex, you need to be in control of it, to whatever degree you want. You will need to control the speed and he will need to listen to you, otherwise it will be uncomfortable and it will stop. The opportunity might be lost until some trust can be rebuilt.
Here are three things to try to help make anal sex better.
- Lube. You probably already know that lube or a high-quality intimate moisturizer is essential for anal sex. The more the better. Apply enough to squeeze a manatee through a letterbox, and then apply more. The more lube involved, the more pleasurable it will be for both of you. It’s as simple as that.
- Condoms. Condoms are great for anal, and not only because they enhance your sexual safety. Condoms actually make anal sex better because their smoothness responds better to lube than skin does. Condoms glide easier, and as a result are more comfortable. What’s more, they can help prevent him climaxing too soon too.
- Anal Sex Toys. Introducing some anal toys like a butt plug or vibrating prostate massager can help ease the transition into anal sex, and by using toys of increasing size during foreplay you’ll find it much easier when his turn comes. Then, try stimulating your clit with a small external vibrator while you’re having sex to double the intensity of the sensations and build up to a really fulfilling orgasm.
To sum up, the most important part of enjoying better anal sex, or any kind of sex for that matter, is talking. The most sensitive erogenous zone is between the ears, stimulate that one and the sex will always be mindblowing.
So how about you? What tips do you have to make anal sex more enjoyable?