Sexting Do’s & Don’ts (With Examples)
Isn’t technology great? Nowadays, not only can we be completely nude with people thousands of miles away (we’re talking about skype sex, of course), we can also send steamy messages to each other any time we want.
According to our data, as many as 71% of women have taken part in the joys of sexting – or more precisely, sending a racy text message from their mobile phones. Just as many people however have yet to try it out for themselves, and this is where we come in, with some wise advice on how your thumbs can do the (dirty) talking.
However, as this tantalizing technological technique is still in its historical infancy, its official rulebook yet to be written – we can help. We’re here to provide you with the most important Do’s and Don’ts of sexting.
Do use it as foreplay.
Think of sexting as your foreplay to foreplay and build as much anticipation and sexual tension as possible. Be sexy, yet encouraging. The pre-date sext ensures your partner has you on his mind all day leading up to your date. And upon meeting, the more nonchalant you act toward your seductive sexts, the more your partner will get worked up.
Do paint a picture using all your senses.
Remember, stimulation of the mind isn’t just about the visuals. Just like your favorite TV show, book, or porno for that matter, it’s important to utilize the five senses: touch, sight, sound, smell and taste. These are the elements that make sex arousing in real life, so why not depict them in sexting? Start with thinking about what you like, and build off those small but important details.
Do use it to express your fantasies.
We often overlook the importance of fantasy in a relationship. No matter how “mild” or “wild” your kinks are, acting out your fantasies through roleplay can give you a chance to explore them in a safe space without the judgement of your partner. This seduction, for men and women alike, will elevate the tension. And the good news is, if it just doesn’t work out, laughter actually plays a role in stimulation too. It’s a win-win. After all, the brain is the biggest sex organ.
Do be witty.
While brainstorming a saucy sext, remember that nothing is as equal parts sexy and playful as wit. Challenge yourself to think of something more enticing to send than the standard ‘I can’t wait to see you tonight, babe’ and discover the benefit some thumb-tapped typing can bring as you patiently wait to get your hands on your partner. Our definition of love is making someone laugh as much as you can make them come.
Do leave something to the imagination.
Part of the reason why sexting or exchanging pics is cool is because of the teasing aspect. It’s a buildup, just like a climax, so don’t give away all your cookies at once. Most people admit that they like when a partner leaves something to their imagination, so that they can unwrap the entire present in person. It gives them something to look forward to.
As sexting becomes more of a regular occurance, it comes to no surprise that it might eventually lead to something more serious, like swapping some sexy pics. While this next step can really turn up the heat, make sure you are only doing this with someone you trust, or at least aren’t showing your face in pictures (rookie mistake!). Revenge porn is real, potentially illegal, and definitely not cool. But if you want to send a sexy nude to your partner, we support you feeling your sexiest self.
Don’t text twice in a row.
Three hours and no response? Maybe it didn’t go through. Yeah, that’s it. Must be a glitch – I’d better resend. When thoughts like these emerge, keep in mind you sent a text message, not a carrier pigeon. He got or will get your text, and there’s no way to know whether he’s rejoicing in silence, fast asleep, or taking a cell phone sabbatical. Either way, that one extra text isn’t going to achieve anything but making you seem needy. It kinda just messes up that sexy flow.
Don’t text back right away.
Unlike the first tip, this one is to be used at your discretion. When getting sexted, the goal is to wait as long as realistically possible to respond while not coming off as a flake or missing your window of opportunity. It’s good to allow for enough time for him to receive at least one other text from someone that is not you. Your silent absence builds sexual tension and makes him realize just how bad he wishes that last incoming text was from you. It also allows you time to think of something creative to say.
Don’t overstress the “yes”.
When he asks you to meet him somewhere later, don’t be the putty in his hands and reply with an immediate ‘yes.’ Embrace the power of the ‘maybe.’ While your actual answer might actually be What should I tell the cab driver, a maybe says, I have better things to do, but you’re not so bad, so I’ll consider it. It’s not uncommon for guys to hedge their bets with women, especially on the weekends. A ‘maybe’ will keep you on his mind and put him well on his way to breaking rule number one.
Don’t “other girl” him.
Don’t inquire about other women—even if you think you’re doing it as a joke (which of course, you’re not). “Other girling” him (e.g. — texting: I’m sure you’re out having fun with all the other girls) is insecurity masked as playfulness in an attempt to gauge his player status. Your inquisition isn’t going to merit a truthful answer from him anyway, so forego the prying.
Don’t be overly-obvious.
Ambiguity is the name of the game. For instance, you don’t want to look too easy inviting him over after it’s obvious you both have been out. Marketers: put that marketing degree and psychology minor to good use and choose your words creatively. Compare I think I’m having some people over for afterhours if you’d like to join us to Wanna come over? Same meaning, different marketing strategy.
While technology might be rapidly developing, our human psychology is still more or less stuck in the Stone Age of predictability – keep in mind that human beings are programmed to desire that which cannot be easily attained, so there’s some evolutionary wisdom behind playing hard to get.
And while your cell phone probably ranks number one as the electronic device you could never live without, our favorite couples’ toys are sure to enhance the tension and make you reconsider that answer.
Katy Thorn is a post-grad writer with a passion for writing about sex, sexuality, and all things rated R. She received her degree in Women’s Studies with a focus in Intersectionality at the University of California, Berkeley (Go Bears!). She has a cat named Yoko, drinks too much black coffee, and hates writing bios.