Going The Distance: How Can Men Last Longer in Bed?

They say life is about the journey, not the destination. The very same could be said for sex; making love involves much more than intercourse alone, and for many of us, it’s the intimacy, tenderness and exquisite anticipation enjoyed before penetration where much of sex’s inherent pleasure lies.

How can men last longer in bed

Delaying that final release – in this case, ejaculation – is a really common craving of men everywhere, who, for various reasons, want the penetrative part of sex to last longer.

In a heterosexual relationship, a key motivator comes down to some pretty unavoidable differences between men and women’s physiology. In what seems like a massive oversight of creation – or else a pretty cruel trick – women take around four times as long to reach orgasm through intercourse as their male partners.

Mind the Gap

Statistics suggest that on average, men enjoy around 3 minutes of penetrative sex before orgasm. Women, on the other hand, take anywhere between 10 to 20 minutes to climax.

Taking into consideration guys’ refectory period – that post-ejaculation interlude before he can get hard again – and the potential for exasperation becomes frustratingly clear.

Worrying about not going the distance has been piling pressure onto men folk for a long time. It goes without saying that we all want our partners to share our pleasure and climaxes. But here’s the thing: having a penis doesn’t automatically shift the responsibility of both his and her orgasm guy-side.

Shaking that clearly flawed – albeit frustratingly widespread – assumption is the first step to enjoying the leisurely route to pleasure, as opposed to some high-speed bullet train. Yep, there they are again: journeys and destinations.

Start, Stop, then Start Again

Retraining physical responses with a partner takes practice. Initially, that means some one-on-one time between him and his manhood. By and large, masturbation is a hasty affair, with just one quick and clear goal: release. With this in mind, is it any wonder that when it comes to being intimate with another person, events can prove equally, ahem, efficient?

That’s where the start/ stop method (AKA ‘edging’) comes in. Self explanatory enough, it involves applying the breaks right before ejaculation, then waiting 15 seconds before starting up again.

A solo exercise, the thinking goes it helps guys to develop an awareness of their body’s signals and responses. Bring that new-found self-knowledge into the bedroom, slow down, and savor the moment.

Get Technical

Take your stamina training to the absolute next level by applying brand new technology that’s truly the cutting edge of pleasure. Imagine, if you will, the best masturbation sleeve or pocket pussy on the market. Now imagine that you can program it to work exactly as you want it to, supplying just the right sensations for your specific self-pleasure.

On its own, that sounds pretty good doesn’t it? Well, with Sextech, you’ll be able to experience incredible pleasures as well as learn specific data about your sexual performance. You see, Sextech items like the LELO F1s will be able to track your performance, and provide even more detailed feedback, that you can then use to train your sexual responses to reach your peak sexual abilities.

Work Those Kegels

Pelvic exercises, those repeated flexing of pelvic floor muscles to develop control and sensation, aren’t just for the ladies – men can do Kegel exercises too. No gym membership required, the honing of this key group promises guys all kinds of benefits, from tackling urinary incontinence through to, you guessed it, better command of his manhood during sex.

Gents: to pinpoint the precise network of muscles in question, try stopping urinating mid-flow. Feel it? Those, my friend, can help delay orgasm. Once you’ve located them, they can be exercised anywhere by contracting for a slow count of five, then releasing, also for a slow count of five. Repeat ten times – that could be in the office, behind the wheel, wherever – gradually increasing duration over time.

When climax feels dangerously close, give those PC muscles a flex for a momentary delay and hopefully, some added composure…

Find Time for Foreplay

For many men, the most common motivation behind wanting to last longer between the sheets is their partner’s orgasm. Whilst certainly admirable, to put matters into perspective only an estimated 30% of women climax through penetration alone. In short, you’ve got to keep your foreplay game tight, son.

We’re talking about teasing, and clitoral stimulation – be it by tongue, finger or external sex toy – will likely bring her closer to the brink than just intercourse.

And, when the inevitable happens and neither party can hold out for even a moment longer, the act of penetration becomes the lusty cherry atop the most delicious of cakes that’s most definitely best enjoyed together. Yum!

The Big Squeeze

Advanced training for longevity in bed is all well and good, but what of practical measures during the act itself?

Well, men can temporarily delay their climaxes by applying pressure to the base of the penis. The briefly-restricted blood flow has a desensitizing effect, allowing him to bring things down a notch and prolong the pleasure.

Granted, it doesn’t sound terribly sexy, but it can be – honest! That could be an intimate signal or code word between partners to request a gentle squeeze; or else cock rings are specifically designed to offer interim pressure for pleasure…

Mixing Things Up to Slow Things Down

A seemingly one-way track to ejaculation can be slowed by simply shifting positions.

If it’s missionary that gets your mojo going, a mid-romp switch to doggy-style can work wonders. Similarly, certain arrangements stimulate the penis more than others. As with most matters related to intimacy, this one’s pretty personal so our best advice is to practice, practice, practice! Likewise, varying the depth and rhythm of thrusts can be just the tonic for penetration that goes the distance.

A Problem Shared…

Above all, and as with most things in life, when it comes to addressing longevity between the sheets, communication between partners is essential.

Maintaining erections generally not being something guys gossip about, you know, over a couple of pints down the pub, some men feel disproportionately anxious about bringing their partner to orgasm. That in itself can have all kinds of negative implications on mental health, relationships – everything. But, guaranteed: addressing these issues with your significant other won’t just help in finding a solution; it could also pave the way to a whole new journey of pleasure, together.

Written by: Donna Turner

Donna is a Volonté contributor and freelancer who lives in San Francisco with her understanding husband and not-so-understanding teenage sons. Her work has been published in The Journal of Sexology and she is currently writing a book on love languages.


  1. It’s also good for the guy to get the girl to climax first with toys or whatever it takes, then he can take his time and not feel under any pressure. Stopping and starting again has always worked well for us. Now Luke can usually go for 20-30 minutes.

  2. I enjoy foreplay immensely, giving her pleasure and just watching her enjoy herself is a huge turn on. I mix oral and penetration edging her and allowing her release. My ejaculation is secondary. Just watching her during penetration keeps me focused on her and not on me. At 30m we are rushed, 3hrs we are in sync and having a wonderful time 🙂

  3. You know, I see these articles all the time. How rinse men last longer in bed. I have the opposite problem. I last too long, to the point that sometimes the girl stops before I get off. Which frustrates both of us. It’s been this way my entire life, I’ve never understood how a guy can last only seconds. My question would be. How do I make a woman last longer in bed. My wife, no matter how much pleasure she is having is Always telling me to cum within 5-10 minutes. It drives me crazy. I can go for an hour or two. I haven’t had sex that lasted that long in years. What do I say or do to make things last longer for her?

  4. I hate quickies and know that nice guys always finish last. I enter my wife after I feel that she is sopping wet. Once I penetrate her and sense her being close, I move down on her and make her orgasm. Using this method allows me to interrupt my releasing, and giving her multiple orgasms. I love the look on her face, and the tensing of her body as she comes. She is insanely beautiful and loves making as much as I do. It draws us so close. I’ve made her come as many 20 times over a 2 hour period, and she was completely drained. We’ve added a vibrator to our mix and it gets her way ahead of me. She looked just like one of your models. We have been together 55 years. Thank you for the opportunity to comment.

  5. This program has helped me learn a lot of positive and good things about intercourse.

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