why cant i orgasm

Why Can’t I Orgasm?

A loaded question, and one to which the answer can vary greatly from person to person. But, by looking at the various causes as to why one can’t orgasm, it may give them insight. 

In this way, we hope to shed light on the different reasons why some find it difficult to orgasm, the reasons why this could be the case, and to prompt taking the necessary steps. 

In other words, we want you to live your best life… a life that includes orgasms on the regular, and fulfilling sexual wellness.

Orgasmic Dysfunction: What is Anorgasmia?

Anorgasmia is the technical term for problems experiencing orgasm. It is a type of sexual dysfunction which affects both men and women. 

There are two main types of anorgasmia:

  • Primary anorgasmia: when a person has never experienced orgasm
  • Secondary anorgasmia: a person who could previously orgasm but no longer can

With these two, primary anorgasmia is actually easier to treat than secondary. This is because secondary anorgasmia is usually linked to hormonal imbalance, relationship issues, depression and/or anxiety. 

In this way, secondary anorgasmia is often situational (being unable to orgasm in certain circumstances). But that doesn’t mean that treating it is impossible. It usually takes addressing the primary issue, such as depression or relationship problems, in order to work through and overcome the inability to orgasm.

Secondary Anorgasmia

Some examples of secondary anorgasmia include:

  • Past sexual or emotional abuse
  • Poor body image
  • Guilt or embarrassment surrounding sex
  • Cultural or religious beliefs surrounding sex
  • Loss of a loved one
  • Financial instability 
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Unresolved conflict
  • Infidelity
  • Lack of emotional intimacy
  • Poor communication between partners
  • Having a partner who experiences sexual dsyfunction, such as erectile dysfunction
  • Certain medications such as antidepressants or blood pressure drugs
  • Physical illness such as diabetes or tissue damage
  • Age-related changes such as menopause
  • Lifestyle choices such as smoking and alcohol

Primary Anorgasmia

In primary anorgasmia, professionals often chalk it up to a person not having enough practice when it comes to masturbating. Practice makes perfect, as they say, and without repeated practice, there may not be an orgasm pathway (the sensory pathways from the genitals to the brain’s pleasure machinery are not sufficiently connected and strengthened to make orgasms accessible). 

That’s actually great news, as for many, it’s merely the opportunity to keep masturbating and discovering parts of their body that are pleasurable. 

Regardless of whether one is experiencing primary or secondary anorgasmia, both can range from mild to severe. Interestingly, a 2000 study concluded that around 19 to 50 percent of women have (or have had) sexual dysfunction, and a 2016 study showed that eight percent of men have delayed or absent orgasm. 

Having said that, sexual dysfunction could be diagnosed in the realm of:

  • Delayed orgasm
  • Absence of orgasm
  • Fewer orgasms
  • Less intense orgasms 

And it doesn’t help that society tends to shame people, especially women, who want to explore and embrace their sexuality. Not to mention the pressure to have “the perfect body” and, in some cases, the taboo that’s attached to self-pleasure and premarital sex. 

In this case, it’s easier said than done, but it is a matter of “unlearning” negative views and beliefs surrounding sexuality, and taking the initiative to educate and gain information on the sexual anatomy.

Sexual Dysfunction: How to Treat Anorgasmia

While no single treatment will work for everyone, we do advise visiting a healthcare professional, such as a gynecologist, urologist, or even psychotherapist if you feel you have anorgasmia. 

There may be an underlying physical or mental health issue you’re unaware of, or perhaps your medication is the culprit. Exploring your health with a professional could mean living a life that’s not hindered by sexual dysfunction.

Some others ways you could try to treat anorgasmia at-home include:

  • Educating yourself on your anatomy, different kinds of stimulation, and masturbation
  • Trying new sex positions or using sexual wellness tools such as sex toys
  • Changing aspects of your lifestyle, such as the amount of alcohol you drink or cigarettes you smoke, and/or your diet
  • Practicing kegel exercises
  • Minimizing sources of stress or anxiety

With this information, we hope that—if sexual dysfunction is a problem for you—you’ll take the initiative to explore it without shame. Sexuality is a normal part of life, and embracing it (in a safe and sane manner) is encouraged and actually, very beneficial for your mental and physical health.