why men love hearing about past sexual experiences

Why Do Some Men Love Hearing About Their Partner’s Past Sexual Experiences?

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There’s a lot to be said about double standards when it comes to sex and sexuality. You know, the whole ‘congratulating a man yet shaming a woman after sex’ thing? 

And with that, we know that there are many individuals who deem their or another’s virginity as a ‘prized possession’, with some even auctioning it off. 

But actually, times are changing. In fact, a 2016 study revealed that virgins are less desired than ever before and often seen in a negative light when it comes to romantic relationships

Either way, everyone has their own opinion of how they and others behave sexually. Some may admire one who embraces their sexuality, others may have ill feelings about it, and then there are some who may even find it quite erotic. 

So today, let’s forget about jealousy, anger, or intentional naivety when it comes to men and how they feel about their partner’s past sexual adventures. We’re going to look at why some men actually love hearing about their partner’s past sexual experiences.

Why Do Men Enjoy Hearing About Their Partner’s Sexual Past?

Did you know that there’s an actual Reddit forum of over 70k members, called ‘Hotpass’, that’s been solely dedicated to sharing the details of a partner’s sexual past? 

Respectfully, this subReddit does not allow for stories regarding cheating but is more so a forum for those who fetishise the hearing of, or fantasising about, the sexual past and sexual exploits of their partners prior to their current relationship.

Interestingly, for many, having this fantasy was not always so. In fact, for the majority of those who contribute to this forum, it all began with jealousy (known as retrospective jealousy), insecurity, and fear. Some even felt as though they couldn’t compete with their partner’s past lovers or that they were less sexually experienced than them. 

For other men, it was found that these feelings of jealousy actually transformed into feelings of arousal. According to sex advice columist Dan Savage, this could be because of something called ‘eroticising of fear’, which turns feelings of fear into feelings of arousal. 

And while this may sound strange, it actually makes sense because of evolutionary psychology. In other words, way back when, men would compete with other men to find a female partner for procreation. And during this process, elements of jealousy were then turbocharged into sexual arousal

Another reason why some men might like to hear about their partner’s past sexual experiences is because, for many, it’s intriguing to have or experience something that others want or desire. It’s almost like an ego boost.

And then, of course, there is the aspect of seeing women as “sluts”. Hearing stories about how other men have had their partner in various positions or doing certain sexual acts in the past. This can be extremely arousing for some.

Which brings us to the next point…

The Madonna-Whore Complex

Another dynamic which is interesting about men who enjoy hearing about their partner’s past sexual experiences is the whole ‘Madonna-Whore Complex’.

The Madonna-Whore Complex says that a woman can either be a “good” Madonna or a seductive “whore”. But for men who gain arousal from their partner’s previous sexual encounters, the lines are blurred. 

The polarised idea that a woman can be both a “Madonna” and a “Whore” could actually feed into their fantasy, allowing them to view their partner in a more holistic way. Could this be a positive step in the reduction of patriarchal tendencies? Possibly!

Essentially, there are positives and negatives attached to this kind of fetish or intrigue. Could it reinforce the idea that women are “slutty”, or could it shatter the patriarchy? 

We say, as long as it’s safe, sane, consensual, and respectful, a kink or fetish is something that can be embraced. And if it does smash gender inequality and double standards, then that’s even better.