How To Communicate Your Desires (& Receive Them) on All or Nothing Day
Historically, All or Nothing Day (July 26) is a day dedicated to facing our fears, whether that be jumping out of a plane, kissing a girl you’ve liked for a long time or saying goodbye to the nightlight. But in true LELO fashion, we encourage you to use this holiday as an opportunity to ask for what you want in bed. That’s right, it’s time to get the pleasure you’ve always wanted.
This doesn’t mean you should join the “asking 100 girls for sex” challenge. We’re taking this seriously because a lot of people are scared to ask for what they want in bed (and justifiably so). Rejection is never easy, but it is a part of life-a part of our sex lives. Here are some things to consider when asking your partner for what you want in bed.
Do not take the demanding route.
First and foremost, your partner does not owe you anything. Asking for sexual desires should never be done in an angry way. Sure, things can be frustrating when partners have mismatched libidos or personal trauma, but communicate that you want to enhance both of your pleasure.
Talk about things from an intellectual perspective.
Communicating your desires should also take place outside of the bedroom. It might sound counterintuitive, but the heat of the moment can sway our partner’s response to our asks and make them regret it down the line.
Roleplaying is not the sinister act portrayed on TV, it’s a wonderful safe space for us to test out our fantasies with a partner. In fact, roleplay is not a dissatisfaction for your current sex life, it’s about building trust and safety with your partner. When trust develops, you avoid any rash reactions from your partner when approaching new sexual subjects.
Define your boundaries.
Defining boundaries with your partner is incredibly important when trying something new. It can even help you develop your shared desires. Each of you needs to discuss your hard no’s and work your way to agreement.
This all may sound very serious, but we’re serious about our pleasure and want to ask for it in the most effective way possible. Once done, we hope you discover sexual wellness like never before. Remember, give it All or Nothing!
Donna is a Volonté contributor and freelancer who lives in San Francisco with her understanding husband and not-so-understanding teenage sons. Her work has been published in The Journal of Sexology and she is currently writing a book on love languages.