Explained: What is Tantric Sex?
What does Tantric sex mean to you? To many, it’s a passing knowledge based on something Sting said over 20 years ago, but in actuality is a way of approaching sex and intimacy in a way that deepens the connection between you and your partner.
Most people believe that Tantric sex is a lovemaking session that lasts for hours and hours, and while lovemaking with the teachings of Tantra is more prolonged than it would be otherwise, most of that time isn’t spent on the sex part of having sex.
To be more precise, Tantra and Tantric sex is slow lovemaking that doesn’t always result in orgasm – the word ‘Tantra’ is Sanskrit for ‘woven together’, and refers to the weaving together of not only your physical and spiritual self, but man and woman as well. The result of successful Tantric sex is a more profound connection with your partner, and the process is a pleasurable one that you can incorporate into your bedroom play with some of the following tips.
This is a 10-minute exercise that acts as an introduction to Tantric sharing. Sit on the bed facing each other and stare into each other’s eyes – clothing optional – and hold their gaze.
While you do this, synchronize your breathing to the point that it becomes a rhythm you can get lost in for a while before switching up the pattern to a breath exchange. During the breath exchange, you’re inhaling when your partner is exhaling, essentially leaving you both breathing each other in before finally reaching out towards them to take the experience further.
Sharing is a Pleasure
Prolonging the pleasures of Tantric sex is about giving and receiving, so no matter what you do, do it equally between you both, and make it methodical; the giver gives, and the receiver simply receives.
Initiate intimacy by either kissing without touching, or touching without kissing, all while taking your time doing so. Start with a full-body massage, and take note of their reaction to your touch in all the places of their body – then have them do the same for you.
Also try the kissing exercise, in which only one of you kisses the other while they give themselves over completely to the one doing the smooching. The kisser explores the kissee’s mouth with their tongue, and then they both can reverse roles.
Break Your Own Taboos
Little by little, step out of your sexual comfort zone and break out of your sexual norms – most of which we impose on ourselves in the first place.Doing so will have a liberating effect that leaves you open to more pleasure in its purest form, and you can start with one sexual practice that many of us never attempt; talking.
Speak about sex in frank terms with your partner – if you’re in a long-term relationship, you may find that this is something you haven’t done in years. Begin with a post-coital compliment like ‘I really loved it when you did _____’ and then take it from there – you’ll be surprised how something as simple as talking about sex can improve it so much!
Mind you these are just the first steps towards erotic enlightenment – Tantra is a 5,000 year old practice that takes a long time to master and get the full benefits of, but the discoveries you can make about your partner, and also yourself, make it a journey worth taking.
Donna is a Volonté contributor and freelancer who lives in San Francisco with her understanding husband and not-so-understanding teenage sons. Her work has been published in The Journal of Sexology and she is currently writing a book on love languages.