Being spiritual is a great excuse for having sex (if you ever needed one) but it is much more than that; a great way to deepen the connection with your partner, with nature, and, on the highest level, with the whole cosmic context of your existence. The question is, however, how do we get more spiritual in bed?
To have spiritual sex, you need to be spiritual to begin with. It comes as no surprise that a shallow person can only have shallow sex, but what it exactly means to be spiritual is less obvious. It does not necessarily imply being religious, or even believing in some supernatural force. It also certainly does not request you to be subscribed to a package of New Age beliefs or superstitions. Let’s think of spiritual existence as a quest to fill your life with meaning, and even if you believe there is none, you can solemnly admire the spectacular beauty of the existential absurdity.
But how does sex fit in there? Spiritual sex is about replacing short term gratification with the fullfilment of ecstatic devotion. To do that, you must make it less mundane.
Build the context that emphasizes the ceremonial significance of the act. Have a specific place for sex (and, if possible, exclusively for sex), build some atmosphere with special lighting, light some candles (choose them carefully because some are significant indoor pollutants), maybe put on some meditative music, and so on. Do whatever helps you build some distance from your everyday life.
When you make love, be there. Sounds simple enough, but in reality, being present is an achievement for itself. The important part of it is acknowledging your body, as well as your partner’s both physical and mental presence. Building awareness of the moment takes considerable and repeated effort but everything you invest in it pays priceless dividends in the form of calm joy of the new appreciation you find not just for sex, but for all aspects of your life.
Ritualize the sex act. This doesn’t mean you need to have a high priest chanting mantras in your bedroom in order to make love to your partner (unless you really want to). Ritualizing is basically assigning some special meaning to an action or a certain order of actions and, because of the way we’re wired, it does wonders for helping you build the right mood for you and your partner. Depending on your level of openness to eccentric new things, you can have a little meditation before sex, or sing some mantras, or even have a specific foreplay ritual… Your imagination is your only limit.
Just like shamans burn sage or palo santo wood to perform energy cleaning for a ritual, you can do something that includes fire. For me, lighting some essential oils is guaranteed to get me in the right mood (my personal favourites are lavender, jasmine and ylang ylang, but there are many suggestions around the internet).
Inspire yourself by ancient spiritual sexuality; there is a huge lore of ideas, practices, and specific sexual rites you can borrow from traditional sexologies if you approach them with openness and curiosity. We mentioned some of them on this blog, namely: tantric and taoist sexologies, and sexual shamanism. Knowledge of thousands of years of sexual exploration embedded in those traditions just awaits to be discovered by the open minded.
Don’t chase the orgasm. Orgasm can naturally occur in spiritual sex, but it is by no mean its purpose.Discipline yourself not to orgasm every time, and never do it in an underwhelming session. Let your sexual energy build up until things get mind blowing. The non-orgasmic sex can provide unparalleled level of intimacy and joy once you stop craving for climax and learn how to harness the inner powerhouse of your sexual energy.
Build receptiveness for the exchange of fine energies. It goes without saying that all this requires continued interest in an alternative approach to your body and mind and considerable effort to learn their secrets. One can’t expect to do eight hours of office work, drink a beer or two, melt into a couch potato mode, and then magically awake their libido and transform into a sexual diviner. Gradually open yourself to transformative practices, eat well, keep fit, try some form of meditation… The better your prepare for the journey of spiritual sex, the further it willtake you in the realm of ecstatic joy.