It’s no secret that when couples have been together for a certain amount of time, the sexual energy changes. And that’s not to say that amazing sex isn’t possible. In fact, the more emotionally invested you are, the better the sex could be.
At the same time however, you may not be hopping to it every single day and twice on Sundays after a few months or years. And so, your sex life sometimes falls into a routine, and you find yourself planning your sex dates ahead of time…and there’s actually nothing wrong with that.
Some agree that planning sex gives them the time to get physically and emotionally ready, and to make sure there’s enough time to have a solid session.
On the other hand, the element of surprise is a tantalizing concept that could add that dash of spice you’ve been searching for.
Why Are Surprises So Thrilling?
When we’re surprised, our brain goes through different phases. First, we freeze for 1/25th of a second, which is then followed by a strong sense of curiosity. After this, we experience a shift in thinking that encourages us to change the way we feel.
With these three steps, our emotions are intensified up to 400 percent. And because sex is oftentimes a pleasant surprise, we can experience exceptional feelings of happiness, arousal, or joy. We can also enjoy the blissful wave of dopamine during a surprise because the pleasure centres in the brain are activated.
So even individuals who claim to hate surprises because perhaps they have a need to always feel in control or don’t like the idea of being vulnerable, being surprised is a great way to live a life full of wonder, joy, and intense emotions.
Why is The Element of Surprise a Good Thing in Your Relationship?
A study conducted by Irene Tsapelas, a psychology researcher at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, proved that surprise is actually the perfect way to rekindle your romantic relationships. This study took place over a period of nine years, and followed the lives of 123 married couples.
The findings concluded that the couples who were bored tended to become unhappy and less attracted to one another. It was also found that bored partners were more likely to get divorced after seven years.
In a separate study, Helen Fisher, a research professor in the anthropology department at Rutgers University, used PET scanners to research the element of surprise.
She found that the same region of the brain (the ventral tegmental area linked to feelings of reward and satisfaction) lit up for those who had recently fallen in love and for those who were still in love with their partner after two decades.
Essentially, this means that those loved-up feelings at the beginning of a relationship can be duplicated in couples that embrace surprise as the brain releases a generous amount of dopamine.
According to Fisher:
“Marry the right person, have sex with them regularly, and go out and do novel, exciting things with them.”
And according to Dr. Barbara Bartlik, an assistant professor of psychiatry at New York-Presbyterian Hospital:
“If you do something a little scary — like ride a roller coaster — you’ll get a surge of adrenaline, and that will make you feel sexier.”
And that brings me to my next point…
8 Tips on How to Have Sexy Spontaneous Suprise Sex
1. Don’t Plan It
A poll in Australia showed that 75 percent of men believed spontaneous sex was an important aspect of intimacy, and 90 percent of women prefered spontaneous sex over a planned rompage.
So, instead of marking off an allocated day on the calendar—that which can build up expectations and perhaps bring disappointment—try to bring the element of surprise into your sex life.
How about dessert in the middle of an at-home dinner? Or an impromptu visit to your partner’s place of work for an afternoon delight?
2. Unpredictable in Public
Turn a boring drive home into a side-of-the-road secluded session, or see a terrible movie in the middle of the week and see if you’re the only two people in the cinema.
Sure, you’ll have to be extremely careful with this one, so try to use common sense ahead of playtime.
3. Sleep Surprise
A wake-up call with your mouth as opposed to an alarm clock is definitely a much happier way to wake up in the morning, right?
But of course, this kind of surprise sex should be a consensual non-consent activity.
4. Turn Passive into Active
If you’re usually a passive or less dominant partner in the sheets, flip the roles and take the reigns. It need not be a grand gesture—even a sexually-charged glide along your partner’s thigh can do the trick.
Or, if you are planning to go big, perhaps return to the boudoir unexpectedly in some sexy lingerie or a roleplaying outfit.
5. Try Something New
Surprise sex doesn’t necesarrily need to be the act of initiating it. It could be something such as surprising your partner by trying something new during sex, on a whim.
If you know they’ve been intrigued by a certain sexual act or they’ve got a fetish or kink that you haven’t explored yet, try to incorporate it as a surprise into your sexy time. It’ll surely blow their mind… and their load.
6. Change the Scene
If you and your partner are prone to doing it in the same place, for example your bedroom, try switching it up a little. Take a little trip or visit a hotel for the night.
This will put both of you slightly out of your comfort zone, making the sex you enjoy even more of an adventure.
7. Add Props and Toys
Perhap sex props or toys have never given you a little helping hand during your trysts. And using these types of aids in the bedroom can have mind blowing effects.
There are tons of sex toys for couples that can be worn by him or her, or you can try some light BDSM play with a trusted partner.
It seems counterintuitive, but a sexy surprise will be super well-received when you know that your partner will absolutely love it.
Talk with your partner about both of your fantasies, your limits, and your sexual curiosities, and allow them to influence your next bout of fun.
Ready to catch your partner by surprise? Say goodbye to routine and boring sex, because surprise is what will almost certainly keep intimacy and romance alive!