In the ongoing race between the sexes, we often assume that women get the short end of the stick, given how much more difficult – or at least, less well-served by penetrative sex – the female orgasm is to achieve. And yet, many women are able to, with practice, able to achieve something most men only dream of: the multiple orgasm.
But, just because it isn’t widely experienced, does that mean that male multiple orgasms don’t exist? The answer may surprise you!
At the intersection of philosophy, religion, and spiritual teaching, China and India both developed two sets of ideas very different from the west: Taoism and Tantra. While not solely focused on sex, these philosophies have developed practices related to the extension of coitus and hence male erection by studying methods to achieve multi-orgasm.
Taoism and Ejaculation Control
According to the Tao, sperm is a vital energy depositor and for this reason should be kept as much in the body as possible. This belief has led the Taoists to develop a series of techniques to prevent ejaculation: from the simple coitus interruptus to exerting pressure to the perineum or even conscious contraction of the muscles of the perineum itself.
Tantra and the ‘Valley Orgasm’
Tantric disciplines proposes a different approach to sex than we’re used to: according to Tantric theory, in fact, orgasm simply IS NOT the purpose of sexual intercourse. Tantric sex is based on a protracted contact between the two partners, which does not necessarily imply sexual intercourse as we usually mean it; enough physical contact of the penis inside the vagina for long enough to trigger a sort of ‘chemical reaction’ between the bodies of the two partners leads to a feeling of enjoyment that pervades the whole body, called the ‘Valley Orgasm’ to distinguish it from the climax orgasm we are accustomed to.
Tantra promotes four ways to achieve this kind of sensation: attention, sound, breath, and movement. And if three of these are generally shared by western approaches to sex (attention to the partner, use of voice, movements in harmony with the other), when it comes to breathing, there is a diametrically opposite approach.
In the west we associate excitement, sexual desire, and orgasm with short and rushed breaths. The more excited we are, the shorter and shallower our breaths become. Tantra, on the other hand, promotes a deep breathing technique that really makes sense if you think about, since every time we breathe we oxygenate muscles and brain.
Orgasm and Ejaculation
Returning to the distinction between men and women, the thing that distinguishes female orgasm from the male is that female orgasm does not (usually) involve ejaculation.
And yet therein lies the rub: most of us tend to consider orgasm and ejaculation as two faces of the same coin, but in fact it is not. There can be orgasm without ejaculation and ejaculation without orgasm. Ejaculation is not the cause of orgasm, but it is a reflection that follows after a few seconds.
The Refractory Period
While it can vary from lasting just a few moments or a few hours, the refractory period refers to the period after ejaculation in which one is physically unable to have an erection and hence an orgasm. The existence of a refractory period in men – and not women – is how we get the idea what women can have multiple orgasms and men cannot. However…
It Can be Done!
The key to achieving male multiple orgasms is to find that crucial moment before orgasm becomes ejaculation, and stop. The pleasurable spasms of orgasm will be tested, but the lack of ejaculation will make the penis stay erect so you can resume sex. Now, that’s much more easily said than done so here’s are some tips:
How to Have Multiple Orgasms
While there are men who have very short refractory periods and who are able to get an erection and ejaculate again within minutes of their first ejaculation, this is only a small, lucky percentage.
The rest of you can develop this skill by simply exercising the pubococcyx muscles; these are the muscles of the pelvic floor that are used to ‘hold it’ when you need to pee. When doing Kegel exercises, you strengthen these muscles and when coupled with practicing to recognize your ‘point of no return’ you’ll be able to exert better orgasmic control.
The use of a sex toy can help maintain excitement after the first orgasm – similarly to how women achieve multiple orgasms, it can be helpful to focus on secondary erogenous zones immediately after your first orgasm. To reduce surface friction on your member while keeping yourself stimulated and aroused calls for deep-tissue pleasure; a vibrating masturbation sleeve that provides resonant sonic pulses rather that thrusting and pulling can keep you aroused safely for longer periods.
Of course, the ability to experience multiple orgasm won’t be a skill you achieve immediately; it takes a lot of practice and requires thinking of your climax in a new way as it depends heavily on your sexual awareness, knowledge of your body and its erogenous areas, and the physical and mental mechanisms that trigger your pleasure.
But when it comes to sex, doing homework is the usually most fun part…