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Not So Fast! How to Enjoy Sex in The Slow Lane

It’s true what they say: good things really do come to those who wait – including mind-blowing pleasure! Sure, quickies have their place, but sex in the slow lane can be extremely erotic; there’s something deeply sensuous, and not a little luxurious, about really taking time to explore each other’s bodies, and find out exactly what makes you tick.

The Case for Leisurely Loving

For hetero couples, shifting gear can help put what many see as the holy grail of sex squarely in their sights: the simultaneous orgasm. How so? By allowing plenty of time for her clitoral stimulation, which a saucy 70% of women cite as their number one catalyst for climax. See for us ladies, the access button to our most sensuous of secret weapons – the clit – is positioned outside of the body, meaning it tends not to receive much action during intercourse itself.

For the average chap, on the other hand, climax generally happens after between three and five minutes of penetration. Simply put, and despite everyone’s best intentions, when it comes to arousal time, men and women can often find themselves not on the same page.

Taking the slow road to pleasure can prove a more reliable route to bringing the both of you to the so-called orgasmic plateau – that super sexy state of arousal where climax is imminent – than a fast and furious quickie. Read on for some easy-peasy lifestyle tweaks, foreplay fixes, and in-the-act action plans to make sex last longer – and feel sensational!

Kegels: They’re Not Just for Women…

Chances are you’ve heard of Kegels before: named after their eponymous inventor who devised the squeeze ‘n’ release exercises in the 1940s, they hone the pelvic floor muscles. The benefits for women are widely touted, but did you know men can also gain from regular flexing?

As well as things like relieving urinary incontinence, getting into a regular routine can also boost his sexual stamina. Better yet, a gym membership is definitely not required: locate the exact muscles in question by stopping peeing mid-flow. Found ‘em? Build up to 15 reps of holding for five seconds, releasing for five seconds, three times a day.

Practice Pleasure

To be clear, the onus to make sex last longer most definitely isn’t solely on him. That said, here’s another very specific sexercise he can implement to slow things down: solo practice! Simply put, some quality one-on-one time between him and his manhood can help train and retrain physical responses. How so? Well, masturbation is usually a fairly hasty affair, with a single quick and clear goal: release. Is it any wonder that when it comes to being intimate with another person, events can prove equally, ahem, efficient?

That’s where the start/ stop method comes in. Self explanatory enough, it involves applying the brakes right before ejaculation, then waiting 15 seconds before starting up again. The goal here is to develop an awareness of the body’s signals and responses. Bring that know-how into the bedroom to slow things down.

Kiss Bliss

Isn’t kissing great? In longterm relationships in particular, it’s easy to forget how electrifying, or sensual, or intimate a not-so-simple kiss can be. But key to making sex last deliciously, languidly loooooonger is a change in perspective: this isn’t about the grand finale, it’s about slowing things down, it’s about savoring – it’s about the journey. Cue kissing!

Did you know that your tongue is home to a tingly concentration of nerve endings? When two come together, sparks fly. A wordless declaration of tenderness and desire, the joy that comes from simply locking lips can’t be beat!

Edging Towards Pleasure

Edging is the sublime art of bringing yourself – or a partner – to the brink of climax before taking things down a beat… and repeat! A great technique for building in added layers of anticipation, it’s also a good for bettering your own self-control and understanding your body. It can also be wonderfully kinky – we’re thinking restraints, blindfolds, vibrators… the works! Tease at pleasures to come (pun intended) with fingers, hands, tongues; perhaps a rabbit vibe or a prostate massager, until neither of you can resist a second longer…

During Sex: Coital Cruise Control

Once each and every sense has been titillated and teased to the point of irresistibility, there are still steps you can take to slow things down during the act itself. A cock ring like TOR 2 or PINO, for example, safely restricts blood supply away from his penis meaning not only a longer-lasting erection, but also giving his manhood a fuller appearance.

Limiting the depth of his thrusts can also spell the difference between a hot and hasty in-and-out, or longer-lasting loving. Positions like The Lazy Dog or Spoon, for example, offer intimacy galore while physically preventing very deep – and therefore intense – thrusts.

Final Thoughts

Between chasing deadlines and catching up on friend times, our day-to-day can feel a lot like a jam-packed to-do list in which efficiency is everything. If you feel sex is going the same way, then pause, think and breathe. Pleasure needn’t be hurried, and there’s a lot to be said for savoring prolonged passion. After all, can you ever have too much of a good thing?

About Katy Thorn

Katy Thorn is a post-grad writer with a passion for - and a history of - writing about sex, sexuality and all that it entails. She spends her time running, reading, writing and socialising. Katy has a cat named Feargal, she loves coffee and hates writing bios.

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