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Sex Between Women: How do Lesbians Have Sex?

By now you’ve realize that most mainstream erotic film (with some notable exceptions) while a titillating addition to some people’s masturbation life, is quite literally in the business of producing fantasy, not reality. Thus, many women who are interested in exploring same-sex attraction, may feel ill-prepared to actually pursue another woman for fear of ‘not knowing what to do’ in bed. Below, we take a look at the mechanics of lady loving and everything that makes it so great.

Sex Between Women: How do Lesbians Have Sex?

What is S-E-X?

Sex, most people would quickly agree, doesn’t exclusively refer to a penis-in-a-vagina; after all, there’s also anal sex. Then of course, there’s oral sex―some people don’t consider that ‘really sex,’ maybe because there’s not penetration. But even fewer of those same people would consider manually stimulating a female partner to be ‘sex,’ but that includes penetration.

The common conception of what is sex and what isn’t, when you really get down to it, is quite arbitrary and varies from person to person, from culture to culture, and even has changed over time. Once it would have been anything that could have resulted in conception, but thanks to the use of contraception, that isn’t accurate anymore either. For the purposes of this discussion, we define ‘sex’ as something people do for erotic enjoyment, which may or may not result in an orgasm (or more). When two women have sex, they’re exploring each other’s bodies for the purpose of pleasure, just like any other couple.

Equipped for Pleasure

The body is full of surprise erogenous zones and stimulation of all of them with hands, mouths, or vibrators can make sex between anyone more enjoyable.

For example, while sensitivity and enjoyment of sensual touching of the chest can vary, but cupping, massaging, licking, and evenly softly biting the breast and nipple is shown to light up the same parts of the brain as those that light up when the clitoris is stimulated.

Down below, we often (incorrectly) use the term ‘vagina’ to refer to the entirety to the female genitals, thus ignoring the intricacies of its many wonderful parts. Technically, the vagina is just the canal on the inside, while the outer part is the vulva.

The vulva is made up of the clitoral hood up top, which covers the clitoris, and the labia majora and minora, respectively. The labia majora are on the outside, and the labia minora are the inner lips, but despite their Latin name, the inner lips can be bigger than the labia majora and poke out a bit.

A Dab Hand

Humans are tactile creatures, able to exert every so minute differences in pressure with all give of our fingers, and they do a particularly great job of this around the vulva.

Working your way outside and then in (and then out again) is the best way to get acquainted with the body of your lover. Use the tips of your fingers to explore the folds of the clitoral hood and inner and outer labia. Make circles, go from top to bottom; it doesn’t matter what you do nearly as much as paying attention to the verbal and nonverbal direction your partner is giving you. Some might really enjoy a ‘come-here’ motion against their G-spot, and some just might want you to stimulate their clitoris.

Oral Artistry

Your tongue, lips, and even your teeth (if your gentle and your partner gives you a clear OK) all bring their own unique sensations and pressures that seem made for offering a partner intense pleasure.

Apply much of the same principles of the above manual stimulation tips to cunnilingus: don’t stick your tongue straight in the vagina without first exploring all that there is to offer around it. Different parts of different people are sensitive, so let your lips do a wander to the inner thighs and up on the mons pubis. Maybe their clit cries for circles from the broadside of your tongue, or gentle sucking.

While you’re orally occupied, you can continue exploring all parts of their body with your hands or a small vibrator. Try different things and the receiver will give you direction about what they want (or just an indication of how much fun they’re having)!

Of Scissors, Straps, and Other Accessories

Let’s look at some of the things people are most curious about in regards to lesbian sex.

Scissoring, otherwise known as tribadism, or tribbing, is indeed a real thing, but that doesn’t mean that everyone does it, or even likes it. Some people, straight and gay, can reach orgasm by grinding their clitoris or vulva on things and some can’t. Even if they can, lining things up with another person may or may not always work due to anatomical reasons. If you’re in a position to try it with someone, we can’t guarantee they might not be amused by your request, but we can say it will go more easily with a lot of a personal moisturizer and an understanding that it just may not work out.

Strap-ons are dildos, usually of the silicone variety, that are put into a harness and worn by one partner. There are also ‘strapless strap-ons,’ where the dildo has a second end that is inserted into the partner who’s topping. Otherwise, they’re pretty much like your average penis, except that you can try different sizes, shapes, textures and colors without changing partners! Some are harder, some are squishier; no two people like exactly the same thing, but it can be very fun finding out which you prefer!

Now, not all lesbians use strap-ons; just as some heterosexual couples don’t prioritize penetrative sex, many women don’t like giving or receiving when with a female partner.  Does having sex with a woman wearing a strap on mean they secretly want to be with a man? Not anymore than a guy masturbating secretly wants to get one from another guy. Some insertable sex toys may be roughly shaped like penises, but both of those things are shaped like the inside of a vagina, so it makes sense that it can feel good when wielding by a person that you’re attracted to.

Other than that, lesbians enjoy using the same extras and accessories in the bedroom that we all do, from restraints during a kinky role-play to anal plugs to dirty talk! This is certainly not an exhaustive list of every act that goes on between every lesbian couple; we all have diverse tastes based on things that turn us on, no matter our gender or orientation – and we’re all for figuring new and exciting things to do, in new and exciting positions!

About Katy Thorn

Katy Thorn is a post-grad writer with a passion for - and a history of - writing about sex, sexuality and all that it entails. She spends her time running, reading, writing and socialising. Katy has a cat named Feargal, she loves coffee and hates writing bios.

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