Dirty pick up lines – you know, clever phrases that are meant to make a prospective partner drape their arms over the back of your neck and yell ‘TAKE ME NOW!’ into the night air? Surely you know one or two just off the top of your head, but have you ever actually used one? Not only that, but have you ever used a pickup line… and it worked?
The most likely answer to both of those questions is ‘probably not’, which makes us wonder; what is even the point of the pick-up line? Why do they exist? If you haven’t used one, let alone had one result in sex, why do we have them in the first place?
I’ve got a little theory about them, if you’ll indulge this author for a moment. I don’t think they were ever truly intended to result in sex for the person who delivers the line. The comedic value of the pickup line – especially the dirty ones – lies in the very notion that it is designed for the purpose of sexual conquest. The joke is not just in the clever and raunchy turn of phrase, but also is due to the idea you’d say these things for the purpose of getting laid, a ‘can you imagine saying this to someone?’ layer added to it.
So by sharing a list of my favorite, dirtiest pick-up lines here, I am by no means saying you should try using these on someone who catches your eye – you’ll be much more likely to get a drink in your face than a partner in your bed. Rather, this list can serve as an archive so they may be saved for posterity.
So hold on to your monocles, because things are gonna get dirty:
- Hey girl, I’m a not a meteorologist, but something’s telling me you’re in for a few inches tonight.
- Are you eco-conscious kind of person? The condom in my pocket goes out of date tomorrow, so why don’t you help me use it?
- Wanna know the difference between a unicorn horn and an erection? I don’t have a unicorn horn right now.
- Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
- Do you like to draw? Because I put the D in Raw.
- Let’s play carpenter. First we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
- Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I’ve got an STD and all I need is U.
- That’s a beautiful smile, but it’d look even better if it were all you were wearing.
- You can call me cake, because I’ll go straight to your ass.
- You should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand.
- Let’s flip a coin: head at my place, tail at yours.
- Oh, you like fitness? How about I try fitness dick in you.
- Smile if you want to have sex with me.
- My couch pulls out, but I don’t.
- Are you butt dialing me? Because I swear that ass is calling me.
- You know how your hair would look really good? In my lap.
- I’m scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room and help me test all my condoms?
- What time do you get off? Can I watch?
- Oh, so you’re not into casual sex? I’ll put on a tuxedo and we can call it formal sex.
- Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?
But of course, OF COURSE I have to be missing some here — so tell me; what are the sexy, raunchy pick up lines that always make you laugh? Leave your favs in the comments below; maybe I’ll try them out on a live target and see if they work!